Something that I've had so much trouble with in the months since the election is the notion that I should keep my political views to myself. I'm not saying this has been an idea I've come across in general, but when it became a popular idea that people wouldn't talk politics last Thanksgiving with family, I was slightly confused. Since then, I've thought a lot about it and have a lot of ideas about what politics mean not only in the social spheres of our lives but in every one of our relationships.

First of all, politics is a term that people give a partially negative connotation in every sense. But for someone like me who is fascinated with politics and how our leaders shape our lives, that is tough to deal with in any conversation. Politics, for me, is more than just the bills and the laws and the debates. It's all of those things, but I think in this election especially, we have seen how politics is truly about your values. Even if you keep voting easy and vote on party lines, your values play into that- is a candidate you don't like still going to get your vote if you're loyal to a party? What does that mean about your core values?

When it comes to the issues, this election really proved pivotal in revealing what people really stand for. Suddenly a vote means so much more, because everything we do is underneath a new lens- a lens that exposes how it all applies to the people in our lives and living in our country. This is why when the election was happening in November, I couldn't stand all of the tweets and media making the joke that people would have a Thanksgiving rule about not talking politics. This was just one example of many that made me upset. I started to notice it on Facebook too- people saying they'd keep politics out of their feed (which is reasonable) but also that they were tired of seeing politics in their feed and finally, that politics shouldn't break friends apart.

While I’m not saying that politics should ruin friendships, it should be one of the greatest informative tools in a friendship. I think that what people vote for, where they stand on issues, and how they feel about the rights of every person in this country says a lot about who they are. I think that going about learning everything about a person and building a bond shouldn’t be blind of understanding how they feel about important issues.

I also think that the concept of politics not defining a relationship or getting in the way of feelings for a person is difficult. While I know of many married couples who have different political views and have even read about couples in politics with different views, I think that not only having those conversations but having common ground is important in a relationship. I’m too young to know for sure, and this could be just because of my interest in politics as a whole, but I know that entering a relationship with someone who doesn’t share my values is tough- I want to be with someone who values the rights, liberties and ideas that I value in life.

I suppose a lot of this has to do with me being more vocal about my political opinions as a person, and it could also be the fact that I’m young and have yet to experience a major situation where I need to truly and completely put my politics aside. As a student athlete, my coxswain for rowing and I are really close friends, and we discovered that we have polar opposite political views. Because our sport is like our job, we decided to refrain from discussing it in fear of hurting our team or our athletic success. But I hope that someday, we can have an awesome conversation about how we feel and what politics means to each of us because I value her thoughts and I hope she values mine.

Along these same lines, I’m not the person who is going to cut someone off for their views, but I think that in the times we are facing, it’s important when entering friendships and relationships, you know who you are meeting and what is important to them.

There are really good ways to go about this, and I’ve figured out some tricks that are more helpful than the guessing game of whether or not someone aligns with your political views. The best way to have this kind of conversation is to ask polite questions and open your mind. Really get to know a person by exploring how or why they feel a certain way, and if you can’t quite get to the core of their values, odds are you’ll be able to tell what caused them to feel a certain way or cast a certain vote by their stories, attitudes, and experiences. That’s not to say everyone will want to share their views with you- that’s okay too, but I think it’s becoming more and more important that we engage in those discussions, especially as the times change quickly with this new administration taking the reigns.

Outside of asking questions, make sure to make your views clear without shutting a person down. It’s important to show your understanding and willingness to discuss, but not necessarily debate. Making sure that you are interested, engaged, and that you care about hearing someone out will be the best start to a great conversation about politics. All in all, it’s important to remember that in having these discussions, you’re talking not just about how someone feels about the chaos that is the news and the changing political climate, but about what they care about, what matters to them, and the things you both feel are important and worth fighting for. If you truly value a person’s place in your life and they value yours, these conversations should be fruitful and not tense- each of you should care enough about the other to listen. These discussions are too important to each of us, truly, to quit engaging in them entirely.

So no, I refuse to stop posting about how much of a Hillary Clinton supporter I was. I refuse to scroll past your support of hateful rhetoric on Facebook if I see it, and I refuse to pretend like I agree with every person I’m friends with, online and off. I refuse to sit by and listen quietly if and when family discusses politics and I disagree. I refuse to do the same when friends talk about the issues. And I refuse to be another bystander to the exposure of values- meaning that I refuse to live through the idea that ignorance is bliss, because ignorance to who you know, love, and meet and what they value in the global and national scheme of our changing world is not bliss of any kind, at least not the kind I’d cherish. Sorry not sorry?

Asking the right questions, learning about views, opening our minds, and finding common ground to make our lives and the world a better place are far more important than sitting idlely in disagreement or compromising your values for the sake of a friendship or relationship. It’s entirely possible to have pride in your political beliefs and civic engagement all while maintaining relationships with the people most important to you.