Now, the title of this article is somewhat hypocritical. I graduated 8th in my class of 650 with a 4.0 GPA. But my days looked often identical to this one: wake up at 6, get to school at 8, eat lunch at 12, leave school at 3, go to practice at 4, get home at 7, eat dinner at 8, shower at 9, do homework until 12, fall asleep in the middle of math homework, wake up at 2, attempt to finish english homework, go to bed at 4. Wake up at 6.
I was tired, grouchy, and irritable. All of the time. But I suppose it wasn’t for nothing. I attained the hailed “AP Scholar with (something, I actually can’t remember)” I got the coveted 4.0, and I got into a great school. But in hindsight, I can’t help but think of all of the amazing experiences I missed. I was president of my National Honor Society chapter, but didn’t really get to volunteer much outside of that. I did not get to go on great night adventures with my friends, go to Safeway late at night and buy Oreos, or experiment with somewhat illicit substances.
I took an art class, but could never begin to make my own art. I could read complex texts, but never had the time to dedicate to the deciphering of Camus of Foucault. I have realized that caring so much about school and my grades had inhibited me from becoming the woman I actually wanted to be.
It is unfair for me to say that academia has in no way benefitted me. I can now easily solve chemical equations. I know what happens in the Krebs cycle. I know far too much about Virginia Woolf. But at some point I realized and had to question, did all of this really make me a better person? School indubitably gave me fundamentals which I will carry with me for the rest of my life. But beyond that, did my learning implicate the energy of the universe at all?
The yoga teacher at our school has us say before every class, “Lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu.” This means “May all beings everywhere be happy and free.” The basic premise of saying this, is that by exercising the best yoga practice we can do we are in turn bettering ourselves and in extension, the people we interact with, and the people they interact with and so on. And this effect can be seen throughout the universe! So a fundamental precept in my life is questioning the integrity and intrinsic positivity of my actions. I am not so sure that studying late into the night just to achieve the intangible concept of an “A” is in fact bettering anyone.
Hence I have come to this resolution: Work hard. Don’t slack off merely for the purpose of slacking off. But don’t work insanely hard just for the purpose of working insanely hard. Read Virginia Woolf to understand her thought processes. Dive into the realms of her metacognition. But don’t read Virginia Woolf to read Virginia Woolf. Don’t do your math to ace your math test. Do your math to understand the process and revel in it’s complex simplicity. Challenge yourself but at the same time ensure that you’re challenging the right self. Challenge the positive self who is opening up to the world and evolving. Do not challenge the self who craves that grade or that GPA or that summa cum laude for the sake of having the summa cum laude.
