I used to be someone who held grudges. When people wronged me, I wouldn’t let it go even if they apologized. It’s embarrassing to admit now, but I found a strange, inexplicable thrill in hating someone if I felt my reasoning was justified. I thought that talking about someone would help me feel better. I thought that obsessing over what someone did wrong would help me regain power. I thought that distancing myself from any sort of blame in these situations would calm me down. I was immature, ignorant, and couldn’t just forget about it.
Why and where did this behavior start? I truly believe that middle school brings out the worst in people. Not only is everyone in the peak of their awkward stages, but people are just mean for no reason. Middle school fosters a cliquey, exclusive, and almost hostile environment. One day a group of girls decides they’re too good for another, and they ignore her because they want to seem “cool.” (Spoiler alert: no one was cool in middle school, despite how many pairs of UGGs you owned). I know how this story goes and you probably do too. There’s a good chance you’ve been on one or both sides of this scenario. In my case, I loved playing the victim when I was the one being left out. At the same time, I never wanted to accept responsibility or consider how my own actions could impact another person when I was the one hurting someone else, even if it was something minor. This contradictory mentality followed me to high school, showed in my behavior, and strained many of my personal relationships growing up.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to reflect on my experiences in a healthy way. Instead of holding resentment toward people who wronged me in the past, I realize that each experience shapes me, even the negative ones (because these are the experiences that stick with you the most). But most importantly, I realize that I am not who I was in middle school or high school. No one is. So why am I going to waste my energy hating someone who doesn’t even exist anymore? Likewise, I don't want anyone associating me with my middle school/high school self because she (thankfully) doesn't exist anymore either.
There will always be people who cannot let things go, and I don’t hold it against them. I only recently have begun working toward the concept of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not spontaneous, and in order to truly forgive someone you need a sufficient amount of time to get over it. Despite how long this takes, I've promised myself that I will follow one rule: don't be rude. I'm not saying you have to pretend that someone who wronged you is your new best friend, but take the high road and show respect for them even if they didn't show it for you. These actions might not be reciprocated at first (or ever), but there will come a day that you realize you made the right decision. Why? Hating someone is easy, but it is so much harder to let it go and move on.
