Young adults were packed in a small space, hips bumped each other, sweat dripped down dancer’s faces as their bodies swayed to the beat of the music. You can make an attempt to have a conversation on the dance floor, but with the music blaring in your ears, it’s nearly impossible. The lights were electrifying as they sporadically changed colors in sync with the song playing. Here, in an 18+ club, young adults can feel a chaotic sense of freedom.
This freedom, however, is not always a good thing. I observed this the hard way one night when I headed out with my friends. It was supposed to be a casual night of dancing and making new memories, but a young man put a hold on those plans.
The man I encountered, let’s call him “Greg”, was intoxicated. Although he seemed to be of the legal age, his sloppy behavior did not reflect that maturity. His hands caressed multiple women below the hips, and at times right on their chest.
In the wildness of the club, he thrust himself upon women who were not reciprocating. Some women pushed him off, but he continued on until he found a vulnerable girl who did not know any better to do the same as the girls before her.
Eventually, that girl grew uncomfortable. She preferred that his hands stay away, but they traveled to places where they were not to be invited. She didn't know how to say no because society did not teach her how.
If someone looked at her, even laid eyes on her for one second, they would see the distress on her face. Unfortunately, nobody noticed. Perhaps one of her friends saw, but they chose to do nothing. She was left to fend for herself.
Eventually, she escaped into the crowd, but he still managed to find her. He asked why she ran away, forcing shame on her. He tried to make her guilty for his own actions that made her uneasy.
You may say, “she should just walk away, that will fix the problem”, but I am telling you that you are wrong. Society has been structured to make women defenseless against perpetrators. We are constantly shamed when trying to protect ourselves.
The response to our attempts to combat any type of harassment is often laughter. They say, “You hit like a girl”, “that’s unladylike”, or call us “cute” for defending ourselves. Not all women were raised to have the strength to protect themselves in these situations.
This girl, in particular, was not equipped with that strength, which was evident as the night’s events progressed.
What happened when she left? When she was alone with him without a crowd to provide a light film of protection, anything is game. Assault. Harassment. Rape.
But, that extreme didn’t happen to this girl.
How do I know?
I know because when that girl was desperately searching for anyone to save her in the beginning of the night, someone noticed and chose not to be a bystander.
When the boy, Greg, tried to pull her away, another man physically got in between the two. In this time the girl took the opportunity to make her escape. This still didn’t prevent her defender from confronting Greg for his actions.
Firmly stating that his harassment was unacceptable behavior, Greg felt attacked and fired back hot-headedly. The other man stood his ground, determined to get the lesson embedded in Greg’s mind. Eventually, Greg is driven out of the building alone- not accompanied by any women. The girl never saw him again.
Although it was a man who defended this girl in this situation, it is crucial knowledge to know that anyone can step in to stand up for someone in need of help. It doesn’t matter who you are, whether you are a woman or man, anyone can be active.
Be aware of your surroundings. Know when something is wrong and act on that instinct. You could be saving someone's life.
As I am writing this article to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, I ask you to defend those who have trouble defending themselves. Do not let society continue this trend of making women feel small; choose not to be a bystander. Be the change.
