This is a response to Failing A Class Is Not The End Of The World.
We’ve all failed a class, disappointed a loved one, or fell short of a goal we wanted to accomplish. When this happens, it’s easy to fall into a spiral of shame. We berate ourselves for not trying harder. We obsess over everything we could’ve said or done differently, from getting more sleep the night before the test we failed to choosing our words more carefully in an argument that spiraled out of control.
Blaming yourself feels awful, but there’s a twisted sort of logic to it. If everything is our fault, we’re in control. Our failures weren’t a matter of chance, or a result that could’ve been influenced by outside factors. Everything is up to us. This way, we can believe that if we just try harder, do better, are more perfect, nothing can stop us from achieving what we want to achieve.
Unfortunately, this is a false dichotomy. Few things in life are ever fully in our control. You don’t recover from failure by having perfect control over all your actions and never making another mistake. You move on by accepting that the failure happened, having compassion for yourself, and trying again.
Here are 3 reasons why this is a fail-safe (pun intended) approach:
It helps you make better decisionsStick with your decision!images.pexels.com
When we’re mean to ourselves after making a mistake, our defenses automatically go up. We perceive events through the lens of fight, flight, or freeze. When we’re on high alert, our ability to make sound decisions is impaired.
But when we soothe ourselves with self-compassion, we lower our threat response. We’re able to see our failures for what they are— simply a part of being human. We can make decisions about moving forward that come from a place of peace, rather than fear.
It builds emotional resilienceThis Year, Find The Resilience Behind Your Fear
As humans, we’ll experience plenty of failures in our lives. If we cope with them by being excessively hard on ourselves, every mistake will feel like the end of the world. We’ll walk around thinking we’re failures, and struggle to go about our lives because we’re so full of self-loathing.
If we’re able to accept our mistakes and roll with life’s punches, we’ll bounce back faster emotionally. We won’t let our failures stall our progress, and we’ll move right on to accomplishing our next goal.
It allows you to better support othersThere Are Many Versions of Love, But It Is All Up To InterpretationUnsplash
You aren’t the only one in your circle who’ll inevitably end up struggling with failures. If you’re practiced at extending compassion to yourself, lending support to others will become second nature. Instead of spending your energy on being critical towards yourself, you can direct it to encouraging your loved ones when they’re down in the dumps.