In some languages, there are a lot of ways to say "I love you." Not because the people who speak them possess more fervent ardor than the rest of us, but because they recognize that love can be shared between people in all different capacities. In Spanish, "Te quiero," is how one expresses love for a friend, while "Te amo" is how one expresses love for a romantic partner. Love is for friends, too, people.
I was in high school when I started telling my friends that I loved them, and meaning it. I hadn't been through as much then as I have now, but I still knew that those three words could easily be a serious expression of love and a playful measure of affection. When you're good friends with someone, "I love you" can be kind of a mixture of both: something that can be tossed around, or something that can be employed in moments of sincerity and need.
So yeah, sometimes it's just fun. And that's awesome. It's an amazing thing when people are so casual and happy with each other that they can throw out a few "I love you"s here and there. What troubles me is that this is harder to achieve for guys. It's not that they're less happy or that they care about each other less. No. Though the problem of toxic masculinity in our culture is an issue of its own, it applies here. Rampant homophobia among guys is real, in overt and covert ways, and it prevents guys from expressing how they feel. "Love you, man," should be easy—and
if it's met with homophobic slurs, then maybe you shouldn't be friends with this person.But sometimes, it's about more than lighthearted affection, because it has to be. You never know what someone's going through. They could be having a bad day, a bad breakup, a bad year. Anything. People struggle for a lot of different reasons, and everyone needs to know that someone cares, especially when they're down. If you're really friends with someone, telling them you love them when they're having a hard time is the best and easiest thing you can do for them. It means something.
And then there's suicide.
I've lost two friends to suicide, and I'll tell you this: anyone who has ever lost someone this way wishes they had done more. Those of us who had been pushed to their outer circles wish we had made more of an effort, reached out, showed that we cared. It almost sounds silly to say that three words can save a life, but you just don't know. Some people who are depressed are looking for the tiniest reason to go on. Be the reason.
ven when suicide isn't involved, you never know when it will be the very last time you'll see someone. Life is not certain. Car crashes and diseases and violence are only a few of the ways we unexpectedly lose people we care about. We can't anticipate whether or not we'll get to keep the people we love. You never know when it will be the very last time you'll see someone.
The bottom line is, telling your friends that you love them is always a good idea. It shows that you care. It tells people that they matter, and that they matter to you.
