Remember the time in high school when everyone knew everyone and your friend group was made up of at least 10 people? Same. But now here in college, I find myself wondering where the f*ck all of these people went. At the time I thought friends forever, future roommates, and Taylor Swift style squad goals. That was the dream and now I wonder was it all fantasy or did we all just not try enough for it to be a reality? Coming home each vacation or small break we all find ourselves in this awkward step in friendship where you are friends with the same people but definitely not their top priority. I call this the friendship side chick.
You call or text that friend when it’s convenient or when you are so bored even Netflix can't help. Even though you know you both have changed beyond the point of having common interests besides high school, you create this false setting that you need to hang onto something that isn’t there. You continue to convince yourself that because you spent a few sub-par years with those people that you need to force the friendship half hoping to prove that high school friendships can last forever and the other half convincing yourself you didn’t waste time on people that whole time.
But here are all the reasons you need to stop being your friend’s side chick.
1. You Are Not the Same People You Once Knew
My theory is that it isn’t either party who has necessarily changed. However, when you think about what you bonded over in high school it all boils down to sporting events, clubs, local concerts, food joints, and most likely the most important to you at the time, the drama. Everything you guys loved was superficial for the most part with the occasionally drunk nights in which you divulged the hardships of your life typically saved for inside your brain.
2. They Don’t Care Anymore
To be blunt, when you share your college stories they have no idea who the people you consider your new dearest friends are. They will smile and nod as you tell stories. Discussing your hopes and dreams used to be imaginative but now that it’s real and you all have separate aspirations they don’t tend to join in the same enthusiasm that you have. It is simply because they’re no longer directly involved in all of your life moments so the abridged version doesn’t have any effect on them, it’s just another story.
3. You’re Hurting Yourself
Every time you try and make plans, they cancel and you all make the false promise to hangout at a later time. At max you’ll get that one time reunion, but otherwise you’ll continue to upset yourself when you can clearly see they are choosing other people over you. You start to think about all the years you invested and think who the f*ck is this new bitch?! But really you’re old news and it’s not worth the emotions of rejection.
4. You’ll Quickly Return As Strangers
As soon as you get back to school, you won't be as thrilled to share stories about these hometown friends as you are to tell your hometown friends about all your new wonderful college friends. Somewhere I once saw a quote that said, “isn’t it crazy that soon someone will become a picture on you phone that you’ll delete for storage?” Harsh maybe, but it’s true. You’ll spend more time not thinking about them and realize that at this point you are acquaintances at best.
5. It’s Not You, But It’s Not Them Either
No, they’re not a bitch and no, it’s not that you aren’t fun to hang out with. If you try playing the blame game, it’ll probably make you feel worse. It’s simply the universe reminding you about all the stages we go through in life and preparing you for a continual cycle of friends gained and friends lost. Yes, they seemed like a significant part of your life then, but now you have others to fill the void and then some.
Continue to be happy with the people you have met and continue to remind yourself who has currently been your source of laughter, late night talks, and conversations of intellect. That’s who you want in your future! At the end of the day you want to be someone’s main, their 2am, and best friend, not someone who only selfishly hits you up on the occasion. Romantic relationships aren’t the only one’s with side bae’s involved.
