First I have to admit, I used to read these types of articles all the time. Anytime I saw something like “6 Things You Should Be Doing In Your Relationship Or It’s Doomed” or “4 Reasons Why He Should Love You” or “10 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Last” I read it as quick as I could. I wanted to know what I should and shouldn’t be doing. I wanted to know if my relationship would last. I wanted to know if I was in the right relationship with “the one”. And most of all I wanted this websites to tell me if I was doing the right thing.
Was my relationship good for me? Should I stay in it? Would we last? I was looking for answers...but I was looking for answers in all the wrong places.
Part of me being just a generally anxious human being means that I always want someone to justify what I am doing. I want someone to tell me I’m doing the right thing. But this...this had gone too far.
Stop reading those articles and debating whether or not you and your significant other should be together regardless of the fact that he doesn’t do 6 out of 10 of the things on that list.
Stop looking to others to tell you if your relationship is okay. Of course, there are several warning signs of an unhealthy relationship and if family and friends are concerned about that, listen. But, if you are debating the worth of your relationship because he doesn’t make you breakfast in bed, or something silly and meaningless like that, stop.
Stop comparing your relationship to others. Each relationship is different and special in it’s own way. I know I have found myself doing this from time to time, as do most people, but it isn’t healthy. So what if your boyfriend doesn’t do something that your best friend’s does. Most likely, he does something for you that her boyfriend won’t do for her.
You will never have what they have, but, they will never have what you have.
You can’t spend your life debating if you should be with someone based off of what other people have. You will never have everything, and people are not perfect. In the end you have to put trust in what you are feeling deep down in your heart, and trust in yourself as well. Voice any concerns you have, but in the end, just love.
Does he still make me happy? Yes.
Am I still giddy at the thought of being with him? Yes.
When we are apart for long periods of time, do I miss him? Yes.
Does his laugh make me smile, and does seeing his smile make me happy? Yes.
Answer yes to all of those questions? Well then, I’d say you’re on the right track and probably are fine. But, that’s my opinion, those are my standards and they shouldn’t be yours. Figure out what you want out of life, and who you want to be next to you while you are accomplishing that. Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill said it best when she asked “Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?”
Make your own standards, and hold yourself accountable for them. But most importantly...look for all of these answers in the only place you will ever be able to find them, your heart.
