All abusive relationships start off like a fairytale. You’re going everywhere together, experiencing the world together, and life seems perfect. But you’re honeymoon phase slows eventually.
Soon, you stop going out with your friends. “It’s too late, you don’t need to go out.”
“They aren’t good friends anyway, won’t you just stay with me?” “What if something bad happens? What if you cheat on me?” They aren’t really harmless remarks, and tabloids and society say that you should be thankful to have such a protective partner. So you are.
It’s been months now since you’ve seen your friends. You’re reluctant to reply to their texts, in fear that they’ll blame your partner for your absence. You’re even starting to drift from your family. “I don’t think your mom likes me.” “Your family makes me uncomfortable.” Again, society reminds you that relationships take compromise and sacrifice. You let it go.
A few more months go by, and your partner is hardly ever home. “Late night at work.” “I’m going out to study with a friend.” You start to think it's odd how you’re always home, per your partner's request, but you don’t question why they’re not. They work hard, they deserve to have personal time, you think. But eventually, their time away from home becomes too much.
And this is when relationships can become dangerous, if they haven’t already. The innocent questioning becomes and screaming and yelling and blaming, trying to escape the confrontation is impossible. Settling the argument isn’t a possibility, as your partner piles the guilt onto you thick. “I’m doing this for us.” ‘Remember that one time… So you don’t get to tell me what to do when… I work so hard for us, then you…” They go on for eternity. Walking away isn’t an option either, as your arms are starting to ache from where they’re grabbing you and pushing you back into the ring. Maybe they push you too hard, maybe you hit your head on a wall or door frame. “You wouldn’t have hurt yourself if you wouldn’t have started this.” Textbook signs of abuse are starting to resurface from your old school days, but emotions run high. You’ll shake them off, you’ll believe their reasoning over yours.
But what happens as the cycle repeats? What happens as you fall back into your honeymoon phase? Do you forget the warning signs? Most likely, you do. And if you don’t, what happens when your partner forces a “make-up”? What happens when “no” no longer means “no”? When “stop” stops meaning “stop”? Where do you go when your bed isn’t safe anymore, or your home isn’t really your home anymore?
Who do you turn to when you're left with nobody else to turn to? Unfortunately, most abuse victims will return to their abusers. Whether it’s out of fear, new hope, threats, children involved, or fear of social criticism, abusers are taught that they’re to blame for their abuse. Of all total violent homicide cases, 75 percent of victims died either trying to leave or shortly after leaving an abusive relationship. Walking away isn’t so easy after all.
