Why Women Can't Say No

Why Young Women Aren't Safe Saying 'No,' Not Anymore

The power of a women's "no" can lead to her death and others.

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Now we all know rejection (though it sounds harsh to say) is a part of life. You aren't going to hear "yes" every time you ask for something. You aren't going to be accepted for everything you apply for. This is the way life goes. The real underlying problem of rejection is the reaction to it. The right type of ventilation to channel whatever emotion you go through cause of rejection can lead to a better morale and understanding of how life works. Everyone has been rejected. EVERYONE! No one is exempt. Within yourself, you must be able to cope with rejection and not allow it to consume you but allow it to build you for what the next step in your life is.

Unfortunately, everybody isn't able.

The tragedy that happened at Santa Fe High School on Friday, May 18th that claimed the lives of two teachers (one being a substitute), eight students and leaving 13 injured was an improper ventilation of emotion due to rejection.

It brought me to the conclusion that the power of a women's "no" can lead to her death and others.

Let's analyze what the victim that spurned the shooting had to go through before that fateful Friday morning. For publicizing reasons I have decided to use pseudo names in respect for the victims.

For four months "Paula" had to decline what was described as "creepy advances" by "Paul." For four months Paula had to walk in constant awareness that Paul was watching her. For four months Paula had to wake up with the thought in her mind that she would have to yet again say no to Paul. For four months Paula had to share the same classrooms, hallways, gym, and school for eights hours of her day on average (40 hours of her week, 160 hours of her month) with Paul.

When is enough? Enough?

After four months, Paula breaks her silence with a resounding "cut it out" with the hopes that this would be her last time having to reject Paul's advances.

Sadly, it was.

Paul, feeling humiliated after a four-month pursuit that led to a public rejection, was filled with anger. The thought of being told no puts Paul through the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle. Paul wanted to make Paula feel the same way she had just made him feel. After two weeks Paul had come to accept what he could not control but decided to make matter into his own hands. He decided what he wanted to do.

Kill Paula.

Was Paula wrong in saying no? After being advanced upon for four months wouldn't anyone be fed up?

Roughly two weeks outside of school being closed this is how they are ending a long gruesome school year. Instead of looking for cruise tickets families are looking for caskets. Instead of apathy, we want to change. Instead of sending condolences, spark change.

Newton's third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. This means that there is a pair of forces acting on two objects in every interaction.

If a woman says "no" is the equal reaction death?

Cover Image Credit:

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I'm The Girl Who'd Rather Raise A Family Than A Feminist Protest Sign

You raise your protest picket signs and I’ll raise my white picket fence.
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Social Media feeds are constantly filled with quotes on women's rights, protests with mobs of women, and an array of cleverly worded picket signs.

Good for them, standing up for their beliefs and opinions. Will I be joining my tight-knit family of the same gender?

Nope, no thank you.

Don't get me wrong, I am not going to be oblivious to my history and the advancements that women have fought to achieve. I am aware that the strides made by many women before me have provided us with voting rights, a voice, equality, and equal pay in the workforce.

SEE ALSO: To The Girl Who Would Rather Raise A Family Than A Feminist Protest Sign

For that, I am deeply thankful. But at this day in age, I know more female managers in the workforce than male. I know more women in business than men. I know more female students in STEM programs than male students. So what’s with all the hype? We are girl bosses, we can run the world, we don’t need to fight the system anymore.

Please stop.

Because it is insulting to the rest of us girls who are okay with being homemakers, wives, or stay-at-home moms. It's dividing our sisterhood, and it needs to stop.

All these protests and strong statements make us feel like now we HAVE to obtain a power position in our career. It's our rightful duty to our sisters. And if we do not, we are a disappointment to the gender and it makes us look weak.

Weak to the point where I feel ashamed to say to a friend “I want to be a stay at home mom someday.” Then have them look at me like I must have been brain-washed by a man because that can be the only explanation. I'm tired of feeling belittled for being a traditionalist.

Why?

Because why should I feel bad for wanting to create a comfortable home for my future family, cooking for my husband, being a soccer mom, keeping my house tidy? Because honestly, I cannot wait.

I will have no problem taking my future husband’s last name, and following his lead.

The Bible appoints men to be the head of a family, and for wives to submit to their husbands. (This can be interpreted in so many ways, so don't get your panties in a bunch at the word “submit”). God specifically made women to be gentle and caring, and we should not be afraid to embrace that. God created men to be leaders with the strength to carry the weight of a family.

However, in no way does this mean that the roles cannot be flipped. If you want to take on the responsibility, by all means, you go girl. But for me personally? I'm sensitive, I cry during horror movies, I'm afraid of basements and dark rooms. I, in no way, am strong enough to take on the tasks that men have been appointed to. And I'm okay with that.

So please, let me look forward to baking cookies for bake sales and driving a mom car.

And I'll support you in your endeavors and climb to the top of the corporate ladder. It doesn't matter what side you are on as long as we support each other, because we all need some girl power.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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The Problem With Men

The damage of toxic masculinity.

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Toxic masculinity is deeply rooted in stereotypes held for the male population. It's characteristics are a constant outward appearance of being strong mentally and physically, a suppression of emotion, and a violent behavior to assume a presence of power. The problem with men isn't men themselves, but societies reinforcement of these qualities defined as toxic masculinity. Nevertheless, men are still responsible for their actions and should hold themselves accountable.

Toxic masculinity causes problems for everyone, but it is particularly harmful to women. It is a contributing cause to domestic violence, sexual harassment, and rape. The United States has begun to recognize these issues and people have come together to fight them. What becomes overlooked, is the damage toxic masculinity has on men. The constant need to be strong and conceal emotion is extremely harmful to mental health. We cannot all be strong all the time, but that is the societal standard for men. This can be a contributing factor of increased suicide rates and decreased mental health in the male population. The need to prove power through violence could also be a reason for the overwhelming amount of men to women in the prison population. Some examples of the lesser effects of toxic masculinity are the assumptions that boys cannot play with dolls or like princesses, that men cannot wear dresses or skirts, and that men cannot be interested in makeup or clothing. This greatly limits individuality and outer expression for men. Girls have gained the acceptance to play with trucks or like superheroes, women can wear pants, and can be interested in cars or tools. There is still a long way to go for women, but for men, the battle for these simple things has not even been won.

Toxic masculinity stems from the fact that men are still held as superior to women. To show emotion, or to be 'weak', or to do anything that makes them akin to women will undermine their societal superiority. Inequality of the sexes has led to the issue of toxic masculinity and it all comes from prejudice and discrimination against women. To fix toxic masculinity we have to address the issue of perceived inferiority of women. Men cannot get completely better until the problem that births all the rest, is solved.

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