Why Women Can't Say No

Why Young Women Aren't Safe Saying 'No,' Not Anymore

The power of a women's "no" can lead to her death and others.

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Now we all know rejection (though it sounds harsh to say) is a part of life. You aren't going to hear "yes" every time you ask for something. You aren't going to be accepted for everything you apply for. This is the way life goes. The real underlying problem of rejection is the reaction to it. The right type of ventilation to channel whatever emotion you go through cause of rejection can lead to a better morale and understanding of how life works. Everyone has been rejected. EVERYONE! No one is exempt. Within yourself, you must be able to cope with rejection and not allow it to consume you but allow it to build you for what the next step in your life is.

Unfortunately, everybody isn't able.

The tragedy that happened at Santa Fe High School on Friday, May 18th that claimed the lives of two teachers (one being a substitute), eight students and leaving 13 injured was an improper ventilation of emotion due to rejection.

It brought me to the conclusion that the power of a women's "no" can lead to her death and others.

Let's analyze what the victim that spurned the shooting had to go through before that fateful Friday morning. For publicizing reasons I have decided to use pseudo names in respect for the victims.

For four months "Paula" had to decline what was described as "creepy advances" by "Paul." For four months Paula had to walk in constant awareness that Paul was watching her. For four months Paula had to wake up with the thought in her mind that she would have to yet again say no to Paul. For four months Paula had to share the same classrooms, hallways, gym, and school for eights hours of her day on average (40 hours of her week, 160 hours of her month) with Paul.

When is enough? Enough?

After four months, Paula breaks her silence with a resounding "cut it out" with the hopes that this would be her last time having to reject Paul's advances.

Sadly, it was.

Paul, feeling humiliated after a four-month pursuit that led to a public rejection, was filled with anger. The thought of being told no puts Paul through the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle. Paul wanted to make Paula feel the same way she had just made him feel. After two weeks Paul had come to accept what he could not control but decided to make matter into his own hands. He decided what he wanted to do.

Kill Paula.

Was Paula wrong in saying no? After being advanced upon for four months wouldn't anyone be fed up?

Roughly two weeks outside of school being closed this is how they are ending a long gruesome school year. Instead of looking for cruise tickets families are looking for caskets. Instead of apathy, we want to change. Instead of sending condolences, spark change.

Newton's third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. This means that there is a pair of forces acting on two objects in every interaction.

If a woman says "no" is the equal reaction death?

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PSA: Keep Your Body-Negative Opinions Away From Little Girls This Summer

But our own baggage shouldn't be shoved on to those we surround ourselves with.

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It's officially swimsuit season, y'all.

The temperature is rising, the sun is bright and shining, and a trip to the beach couldn't look more appealing than it does right now. This is the time of year that many of us have been rather impatiently waiting for. It's also the time of year that a lot of us feel our most self-conscious.

I could take the time to remind you that every body is a bikini body. I could type out how everyone is stunning in their own unique way and that no one should feel the need to conform to a certain standard of beauty to feel beautiful, male or female. I could sit here and tell you that the measurement of your waistline is not a reflection of your worth. I completely believe every single one of these things.

Hell, I've shared these exact thoughts more times than I can count. This time around, however, I'm not going to say all these things. Instead, I'm begging you to push your insecurities to the side and fake some confidence in yourself when you're in front of others.

Why?

Because our negative self-image is toxic and contagious and we're spreading this negative thinking on to others.

We're all guilty of this, we're with family or a friend and we make a nasty comment about some aspect of our appearance, not even giving a single thought to the impact our words have on the person with us. You might think that it shouldn't bother them- after all, we're not saying anything bad about them! We're just expressing our feelings about something we dislike about ourselves. While I agree that having conversations about our insecurities and feelings are important for our mental and emotional health, there is a proper and improper way of doing it. An open conversation can leave room for growth, acceptance, understanding, and healing. Making a rude or disheartening remark about yourself is destructive not only to yourself, but it will make the person you are saying these things around question their own self worth or body image by comparing themselves to you.

My little sister thinks she's "fat." She doesn't like how she looks. To use her own words, she thinks she's "too chubby" and that she "looks bad in everything."

She's 12 years old.

Do you want to know why she has this mindset? As her older sister, I failed in leading her by example. There were plenty of times when I was slightly younger, less sure of myself, and far more self-conscious than I am now, that I would look in the mirror and say that I looked too chubby, that my body didn't look good enough, that I wished I could change the size of my legs or stomach.

My little sister had to see the older sibling she looks up to, the big sis she thinks always looks beautiful, say awful and untrue things about herself because her own sense of body image was warped by media, puberty, and comparing herself to others.

My negativity rubbed off onto her and shaped how she looks at herself. I can just imagine her watching me fret over how I look thinking, "If she thinks she's too big, what does that make me?"

It makes me feel sick.

All of us are dealing with our own insecurities. It takes some of us longer than others to view ourselves in a positive, loving light. We're all working on ourselves every day, whether it be mentally, physically, or emotionally. But our own baggage shouldn't be shoved on to those we surround ourselves with, our struggles and insecurities should not form into their own burdens.

Work on yourself in private. Speak kindly of yourself in front of others. Let your positivity, real or not, spread to others instead of the bad feelings we have a bad habit of letting loose.

The little girls of the world don't need your or my negative self-image this summer. Another kid doesn't need to feel worthless because we couldn't be a little more loving to ourselves and a lot more conscious of what we say out loud.

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In Case You Haven't Heard, My Body Means My Choice, So Deal With It

With all the political differences and laws trying to be passed, based on what a woman can do with her body, demonstrates how the United States decides to use their power and control others by the means of it.

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Since the beginning of America, there have always been minority groups, which include African American, Hispanics, the disabled, homosexuals, and women. Such minority groups have made it their responsibility to fight for their rights and earn justice for it. However, there has recently sprung up a debate on abortion policies, attempting to alter and re-write the rules on Roe vs Wade per state to pursue when or if abortion is illegal based on certain circumstances.

Now, I am not writing this in any means to deter you from your individual opinion on this situation or your perspective, but I do believe that I have a voice in this situation since I am a woman and this situation affects me if any of you individuals like that or not. And most of all, I deserve to be heard.

Starting off, in no means should a man, government officials, or anyone for that matter be able to decide what is acceptable to do with my own individual body, EVER. How have we become a country that thinks it is more than okay to tell what others can do based on the decision of another person. See, we have this thing called bodily autonomy which means we have independence over our own body, or at least we should. A prime example of this is when an individual dies, a surgeon can not remove the person's organs (if they were an organ donor) until the designated power of attorney says it is okay to do so. However, it is apparently acceptable and illegal for someone who has become pregnant through rape or in general is unable to care for a child to receive an abortion and loses their bodily autonomy for the following 9 months. How does a corpse have more rights and bodily autonomy than a pregnant woman does today?

Currently, the state of Alabama has passed a bill that makes abortion illegal under any circumstances and committing this now known felony, can lead to a very long jail sentence. In fact, committing abortion in Alabama (for the woman or the doctor) can lead to a longer jail sentence than someone who raped another individual. Wow. How is that acceptable????

Many states are following in Alabama's lead and we need to put a stop to it before it becomes too far. We women, need to fight for achieving our bodily autonomy and band together and show America that we are a force to be reckoned with.

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