I Wish I Hadn't Dated All Through High School
Start writing a post
Relationships

I Wish I Hadn't Dated All Through High School

Everyone needs time for themselves

192
I Wish I Hadn't Dated All Through High School
Danielle Sovereign

With prom season in the air and Instagram feeds full of prom-posals, I've been thinking back to my high school days. I remember having a blast freshman year, experiencing a new school with my friends who came with me from junior high. We started diving into subjects that we had all been fascinated about like art, writing, different languages, etc. I didn't have a boyfriend, but I was really happy. Of course I had crushes, but I was too afraid to do anything about it. I had extreme freshman-syndrome and was extremely self-conscious when it came to relationships. Unfortunately, I let that get the best of me, and I felt that being in a relationship meant that I would be accepted and somehow be cooler than I was when I was single.

I wish I knew how untrue that idea would turn out to be. When I had a boyfriend going into sophomore year, I started to lose my friends. Some would stick around, but others were sick of being the third wheel, and I couldn't blame them. I was totally absorbed in my relationship. I lost focus in school; I was so distracted by my appearance, and I was neurotic about what people might be saying about me. Nevertheless, I stayed involved. I joined a varsity sport, sang in an extra-curricular choir, and participated in other clubs. Having a boyfriend became a fact of life though, and it began to sadly define who I was.

For a year and six months, my identity seemed to be merged into my relationship. I went to dances with my boyfriend, did a sport with my boyfriend, sang in a choir with my boyfriend, and spent every weekend with him. At this point only a handful of people wanted to be around me because I was so typical. There was nothing interesting about me. Once that relationship ended, I was ready to be on my own again, but I found that I was still emotionally damaged. The relationship ended on bad terms, and I was really bitter and self-deprecating about it. I wanted someone to like me again and reassure me that all guys weren't the same. That was when I made one of the best choices. I went to a dance with two of my friends, and we had a great time. I danced with a lot of different people, instead of being jealously guarded. I let my hair down instead of checking that it stayed in tact every five minutes. The weeks that followed were hard, but I felt free, until I decided to date again.

The next relationship lasted almost a year, so I was technically dating for over half of my high school career. I only went to two dances with friends instead of with my boyfriend. I was a bit of a traditionalist, and I found comfort in having a boyfriend that could put a label on me and take ownership over the parts of my life that I didn't have figured out. In both relationships, I had the same dizzying sensation of spinning out of control. I felt like I had no influence over what happened to me while I was dating. I trusted my boyfriend thinking that they had my best interests at heart. I didn't stop to think that high school is not a time to be selfless. As bad as it sounds, I wish I would have been more selfish and taken the hard path instead of falling into the arms of the guys that were conveniently waiting for me to fail.

Of course I can't put blame on anyone but myself, but I can't say that these relationships didn't ruin friendships. They closed doors instead of opening up opportunities. I felt that I had to be serious right away, and that being someone's girlfriend is a serious commitment. I didn't fathom that my boyfriend wasn't thinking the same way. In fact, most people don't think that way in high school, and I wish I hadn't. I let myself get caught up in societal norms and expectations. I watched too many romcoms where the leads are 30 year-old actors playing teenagers.

Everyone says that dating is good experience, and I agree. However, I wish I would have spent time in high school focusing on myself instead of making my boyfriends happy. I know I can't go back and change anything, but I would say to others that being single is not un-cool. It's time to treat yourself the way you want someone else to treat you.

The moment I started defining myself by the relationships I was in was the moment life became predictable. Again I find myself in a long term relationship, how hypocritical. Yet, the feelings I used to have--the isolation, the trapped feeling, and the stress of being perfect--are not there anymore. I no longer think of myself as somebody's girlfriend because it does not define me. Instead I like to say that I have a partner, someone that I communicate with openly instead of me pretending to be someone that I'm not, and that makes all the difference for me.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

To My Fellow Girls With Resting B**** Face

A letter to my friends with RBF about understanding your own face and helping others deal with it.

74
Jupe du Jour

To the girl with resting b**** face:

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Boyfriends Of The 2000s

Thank you, J14, for the Posters

2564
J14 magazine

Every girl remembers her first crush. Even if your first crush was the boy in your kindergarten class that ate crayons, your first true love will always be the one that holds the key to your heart. Growing up in the 2000s, everyone knew who your dream guy was. Your family probably still give you grief and your best friends probably still reminisce, so it is impossible to forget your first celebrity crush. You bought a Tiger Beat magazine every chance you could just to read up about what your favorite celebrity was doing. Your room was fully decorated with posters of them, and it wasn't unusual to have fights with your best friends over who was going to marry him. If you were a 90's baby, lucky you because the 2000s were full of boys that were easy to love. I hope you enjoy a walk down memory lane and quickly realize that Bieber was definitely not the first guy with that hair cut. Here are 15 90's baby's first boyfriends.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

20 Things I Learned By The Start of My 20s

No one expects you to have your life together by the time you're 20, because honestly, they didn't either.

13848
Allyson Foutty

We are all often faced with many life challenges throughout the time leading up to our 20s. Before this time, and throughout it, we often look back at the things we've learned and how they've influenced who we are as people today. Some of my biggest influences were some of the challenges I've faced, but they've taught me 20 important things by the start of my 20s.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Boyfriend Recipe

The ingredients to build a relationship are a little more complicated than just a bouquet of flowers and a box of candy.

11294

Relationships. Long distance or not, significant others are much more than just that. I would be lying if I said I did not love the sweet gestures that only a boyfriend can give. The flowers, funny phone calls, hand holding, breakfast dates, and tight hugs are special but my relationship and many others out there exist on much more than just these little gestures. It is a tricky concoction that consists of one part boyfriend and two parts best friend and would not work without one part or the other. While having a relationship may not be quite as easy as baking a batch of cookies, it has its own recipe (with a few variations for flavor) to follow for a good match.

Keep Reading... Show less
google images

Fashion just keeps growing and changing and old trends are made new! Now, I'm no beauty guru, just a beauty guru wannabe, but personally I have compiled some stylish wardrobe must haves! These can be cute assets to go back to school or just to catch up on some of the latest trends...

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments