Urban Dictionary uses words and phrases like “whore” and “someone who steals your partner” to describe a “homewrecker.” One definition even went as far as to include that “homewreckers” are “usually female.”
Monica Lewinsky, for example, was shamed and practically shunned into silence for decades because of her affairs with Bill Clinton. Noah from The Notebook, however, would hardly be considered a “homewrecker,” but rather just an innocent and determined young man who fell in love.
There are so many issues with the fact that this term even exists, let alone that it is often used to describe people, mostly women. The first problem is that it is literally impossible to steal a human from another human unless we’re talking about actual kidnapping here, which is an entirely separate predicament.
No woman is responsible for a man leaving his spouse. A woman’s spouse having feelings for another woman and choosing to leave his current partner for that woman is entirely his own doing. Blame should not be unrightfully cast on the target of the man’s affection because she didn’t force the man to do anything (unless she literally threatened/bribed him, which, again, is a different issue).
A woman could have the actual intention of breaking two people up and being involved with the man and it still would not be her fault if the man leaves the woman he is with.
The most likely reason that the women outside of the relationships are blamed for the breakups is that people are frequently hesitant to hold men responsible and accountable for their actions. Many people claim that men have no self-control (which begs the question of why we trust them to hold public office, where they may have serious weapons readily available to them, but that’s a topic for another day). Since people think that men have no self-control, then it only makes sense to them to blame the women they are desiring for their actions, since they are seen as the ones who made the men behave in a certain way.
When a man goes after a taken woman that he wants, he’s seen as romantic even though, a lot of the time, he is just harassing a woman who clearly has not invited his attention and would very much like to be left alone.
However, society teaches men to go after whatever they want and get it, regardless of the consequences. Don’t worry, guys, just disrespect your relationship or another person’s relationship because either way society will portray you in a positive light!
Aside from not wanting to hold men accountable, women are additionally looked down upon for showing interest in a taken man because a woman having overt sexual or romantic feelings or desires is considered shameful. Women must be submissive to men and they must wait to be pursued by men (but even then, they have to be careful not to express too much interest for fear of “scaring the men away”).
No matter a person’s gender, it is exceptionally discourteous to try and involve oneself with someone who is taken. Despite this fact, no person is at fault for the romantic or sexual feelings and actions of another. We need to recognize the sexism behind the term “homewrecker” and put an end to the use of it.
Perpetuating the idea that women are at fault for a man leaving his partner is tremendously toxic to all women. It’s time to hold men accountable for their actions, and to recognize that (shocker) women like sex too and that this fact is more than ok.
