As a young adult, we experience the rigorous amount of pressure to live up to lofty standards, set by others around us. We are the only age group that is expected to behave like professional grown-ups but simultaneously treated like adolescent children. The heat from society is just enough to make anyone break out the prison of responsibility, in which he or she was held captive. However, once you're out, you're free to follow the passion that makes your heart pump. To chase the aspirations for which your soul yearns. To live in the place where your wild mind vacations to, while you're sitting in the most uninteresting class. So what's stopping you from fulfilling your life's desires? Well, as ironic as it is, for me, it was school.
How do we deal with this dichotomy of wanting to get an education, but at the same time wanting to flee from imposed obligation to follow your dreams?
Never before in my life, have I planned to drop out of school. Especially if I weren't in the cliché predicament of a young girl planning to leave because of a 9-month adventure she had to take; I don't roll like that. Instead, I had every reason to stay in school. This semester of my sophomore year has changed everything. In essence, I've gone through rough transitions, the smack of rejection, the socially unfamiliar, the spiritually challenging, and the deep life questioning, all while playing Russian Roulette with the type of occupation I'll take a shot at with my wide-ranged double major. There were elements of my identity that were being peeled right off of me, until I was just so empty, bear, and lost. However, my real self was found at the core. This made me realize that my so-called "dream" was actually everyone else's dream for me. However, I kept on going because I wanted to make them happy until I looked the future right in the eye and knew that I was not going to be joyful in the long-run. I talked to important figures and staff that I admired, and almost every single one of them thought I was throwing my life away when I decided to do the job I feel called to do. I thought about it and I wouldn't even use my degrees for what I planned. So what's the point of staying in school? In short, here's why I was minutes from leaving college:
1. I feel like I am wasting my time
2. I feel absolutely trapped
3. I am not learning things that lead me to what I intend to do
4. I don't want to waste my parents' money
5. I am not super duper thrilled
6. I am misunderstood and underappreciated
7. I am not following my dreams
8. I want to just get up and go do
9. Society's definition of a successful life is not always correct
10. I wanted to give hope to the people of following their dreams without conforming to what is expected
I honestly thought it was ridiculous to wait for four years for a piece of paper that costs $172,000 that says "I guess you're capable now ...finally". Someone who cheats their way through college could receive the same diploma and still seem capable, which is why the system is so flawed. On the other hand, what about people who are absolutely brilliant, but just can't afford to get the piece of paper? That's not fair. It just doesn't become a piece of paper to them. It becomes a ticket into a new life for their future. Which leads me to the reasons why I am keeping my booty in school:
1. I am so incredibly blessed
2. I want to honor the Most High God in my studies
3. I should honor my parents
4. I would probably regret it if I didn't get my degrees
5. This is a form of privilege that I should not take for granted
6. I love being in a community
7. I am not done growing
8. It's the "next best step to success" in this world
9. These are unique years in life that I need to enjoy and not rush
10. There's still so much that is unattempted and unfinished
Having the blessing to go to a college is something that should not be downplayed but should be humbly celebrated. Plus, I look at my hands while I'm typing this and remembering what I am -- a brown girl who has an opportunity to make God, her people, and family proud. It's not every day that you see someone who looks like me who has this chance to have a wonderful life. For that, I am forever grateful to Him and my loving and intelligent parents.
Most of the time, it is best to be selfless and trust in Him. We have no idea what's going to happen in our lives. We don't even know what doors He will open, and we're not supposed to know. I might not even have to stay in college for all four years, but I have to stop overthinking everything and just be, "Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass" [1]. So whoever has these thoughts of dropping out of school or is burning to follow what they most desire, I encourage you to wait on the One who knows all -- including the deepest hunger of your heart that you don't even know exists.
[1] - King James Version: Psalm 37:5
