Victim-blaming is a pretty prominent aspect of our lives, whether it comes to people who have suffered from assault, poverty, illness, or any other misfortune that can fall upon humans. Oftentimes it is in our nature to assume that someone who has had bad things happen to them must have done something to deserve it. And sometimes this is true, but sometimes it is not.

When I took psychology in high school we learned about something called the "just-world phenomenon". Basically the just-world phenomenon is the idea that people want to believe the world is fair, and everyone gets what they deserve. This is very much not always the case, and most people are aware that injustice exists in our world. But, whether subconsciously or not, they will try to rationalize it as something that the victim could have controlled or should have avoided.

There are many, many instances of this.

"If she didn't want that to happen she shouldn't have worn those clothes or gotten drunk."

"If he didn't want to be bullied he shouldn't have been so sensitive and such an easy target."

"If he didn't want to be cheated on he should have paid more attention to his girlfriend."

And if you're so used to blaming other people for hard times falling on them, how will you feel if the same thing happens to you? Not surprisingly, you may start to blame yourself. For others, the idea that bad things could happen out of their control understandably causes a great deal of distress. Blaming the victim is just easier.

Therefore it can be difficult to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people for no reason, and vice versa. Knowing there are suffering people out there who've done nothing to deserve their current circumstances violates the idea that the world is a safe and just place.

However this does not mean that you have to believe in either of the two extremes: that the world is a horrible place where there is no justice, or that the world is a great place and people can always prevent bad things from happening to them.

This is a middle ground, and also a way to prevent yourself from impulsively blaming people for their circumstances without necessarily realizing what their situation is.

Choosing to be kind to yourself if you've hit a tough spot in your life and not blaming yourself is not the same thing as doing nothing about it or feeling that you are helpless.

Realize that you're allowed to make mistakes. Of course actions do have consequences, and to a large extent people are and should be held responsible for these actions. But as a society it would do it some good to learn a little empathy and understand how many things are out of our control. The world is never so black and white. It's not always fair or always unfair. It just is what it is.