It has been almost 4 months since I last saw my family. In that time I have fully adapted to the college life. My friends have become my family, my small dorm room became my makeshift safe haven, the school became my home.

Of course, there are things I miss from back home. I miss my family for the laughter on our parent's bed, for the love shown through countless hugs, and for the mind-boggling dialogue over dinner. I miss my dogs for the walks in the canyon, in the park, on the beach, and for the sloppy kisses and frantic tails. I miss my room for the covered walls, and the filled bookshelf, and the elephant lamp.

Despite all of the things I am missing, I am quite afraid to return.

This isn't because I do not want to see any of these things, but that I do, and that I am worried they will have changed and moved on without me. Even worse, that the new life I have achieved will not need or want me back upon my return.

College has a weird way of engulfing you. I have often heard it compared to a constant summer camp that you cannot escape. There is the sleepover aspect, the new friendships and drama that comes with that, the fun and adventure always just around the corner, and being away from home for a period of time. I love it , and I do not want to leave.

College changes you, so much so that returning home can feel foreign or wrong. Because of this, the first time home can be incredibly tough.

My mom compares this to plants.

A family starts out as an arrangement of plants, in my case there are six. Each of these plants are planted together in the same pot, roots intertwined. As plants grow, they need more space, so one might be transplanted into a new, individual pot. This plant now has space to grow and develop, and so do the other plants in the old pot. So if the plant tries to return to its old pot, there isn't room for it, or the space available for it has changed. This is because it has grown and changed and so have the other plants in the arrangement.

Now that I have been transplanted, and gone to college, I have grown and changed. My root system has developed separately from my families. This does not mean we do not fit together anymore, but rather we fit together in a different way.

This first time home is the trial run to find out what that space I fill is. With all firsts come difficulties, and so the first time home from college is tough.

I am going to try to find how my roots now fit with my families, it will be tough, but also worth it as new adventures always are.