In the seemingly never ending need to budget cut, arts programs in schools are hanging out constantly on the chopping block. Great. I think that this is exactly where they should be. Who needs the arts anyway? If money needs to be sucked out of subjects and entire areas need to be cut, the arts is the obvious choice for targeted subject demise.

So, Here are some reasons why the arts have no place in schools.

1. Kids don't wanna do em.

The good children of America don’t want to have to come to school and worry about being “creative”. I mean, it’s not as if having numerous arts programs encourages kids to attend school, increases attendance rates, and provides specific benefits for those at risk of dropping out. Similarly, it’s not as if would-be drop outs even cite their arts programs as main reasons why they stayed in school in the first place.

2. Standardized tests are obsolete.

Everybody knows that standardized tests such as the SAT or ACT hold absolutely no stock in today’s world. Obviously. That’s why it doesn’t matter that kids who participate in arts programs have proved in multiple studies to excel on these tests and score much higher on average than their non-artsy peers. According to the College Entrance Examination Board, in 2001, music students alone scored an average of 57 points higher on their SAT verbal and 41 points higher on their SAT math scores than their unmusical peers. Plus, the more arts classes a student takes, the higher their scores tend to be. But standardized tests schmanderdized meshts.

3. We don't like smart people.

Smart people are snobby and lame. So the fact that kids involved in the arts are four times more likely to be recognized for academic achievement, to participate in a math and science fair, or to win and award for their writing, makes the arts an obvious no-go. Also, the fact that kids who are in arts programs early on have a leg up on motor skills, language development, and visual learning is totally lame. Nerds. All of them.

4. Creative skills are overrated anyway.

Have you ever heard an employer talk about how much they value employees who can think critically, solve problems creatively, be inventive in their task completion, or who are all-around good decision makers? I know I haven’t. Plus, improved attention spans and memory retrieval skills are practically useless in the workplace. Who cares about teamwork? Productivity? What even is innovation? A way overvalued skill, that’s for sure. "Using Your Imagination" is a weird. Also, in today’s expanding and increasingly diverse melting pot, having kids who grow up to be more culturally aware through their arts programs makes absolutely no sense at all. Bubble us all up. Please.

5. I am joyless, culture-less swine.

For some convoluted reason, people seem to think that music, television, movies, clothes, magazines, books, video games, buildings, comics, and the likes are all “important’ and “valued”. I don’t know about you guys, but I personally think we’d all be better off if we lived in a monochrome world with no lovely things to listen to, no pretty things to look at, and really just existed in bland monotony without anything that gives our lives meaning in even the most menial of ways. Sounds fab to me, y'all. I have no interest in the thing that connects us all fundamentally as human beings. Cut it all. Every art. Take away all the art. That's fine by me.

(Everyone. In case you haven't gathered, the arts are incredibly important. They keep kids going, make our population smarter, and enhance the world that we live in. What sort of horrid person would you be to cut funding for them?)