I believe regret is a word we have created to define the things we have not done. If you ask someone their biggest regret, it will often be a missed opportunity, a missed word, or an action not taken. Our anxieties have stopped us from doing what we want and created so many ‘nots’ that we made a word for what we have missed out on: Regret. We can only do what we allow ourselves and words and actions can only help us if we use them. You may wonder why I’m speaking of regrets when speaking about my mother. I do not want to have any regrets and I know my biggest one are the words I never spoke to my mother. Here are the things I don’t tell her enough and when they go unsaid, they are still spoken in my heart. For you, Mom.
Thank You.
Moms in general don’t hear it enough, the thanks and gratitude that they deserve for all they give. So to my mother, I say thank you for never making me feel like a burden or a strain on your life; even when I need, or take, and can’t give back. I am thankful even if I am selfish and do not tell you. You are putting me through school, you helped me get my first job, and those are things that will kick start my life in the right direction. So thank you for leading me, but letting me flourish on my own. I am certain there are so many more times I should have, and could have said thank you and missed out on them. So please take this as my complete and formal thank you for being the best mother you can be.
I’m Sorry.
The first time I made you cry was the time I realized you were not just a mother. It’s easy to think of your parents as nothing but parents. Because really, they’re here to raise us and that’s about it – or so it seems when you’re growing up. But in reality, you are a person before anything and you experience pain and hurt the same as me. Having your children make you cry in any way other than happiness is a feeling I cannot begin to imagine. I am so sorry for making you cry whether it had been me telling you I hated you in a heated argument, or putting that dent in your new car. Selfishness and anger are ugly when they come out in words tailored to hit the people you love the hardest. Seeing you with red, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks is a sight I never wish to see until my graduation or wedding day. So for all the times I ever broke your heart, or made you cry in the slightest, I am so sorry.
I Love You.
Nobody says I love you enough. We mean to, and we think it and feel it on a daily basis. The fact that I have a mother that I can say ‘I love you’ to, and that can say it back is a blessing. So much of a blessing, that it’s almost a crime that it’s not said daily. My favorite show, Grey’s Anatomy, put it pretty well: “Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life." Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; drink it in because this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow." Life is too short to not tell the people around you how much they mean to you, and how much they love you. Hanging up on the phone, leaving the house, “I love you” should be said, because truly, we never know what our last words to a person will be. So for the days I’ve left, hung up the phone, or just didn’t tell you I loved you that day, I love you - forever and always.
