Growing up, I always looked up to my mom and dad’s relationship. Even before I fully understood what words like “chivalry” or “cooperation” meant, I noticed that they always seemed happy, in love, and worked together really well. My dad would do nice things for my mom, like buy her flowers “just because”, and my mom would do nice things for him, like staying up late with us kids so my dad could get some sleep before waking up early for work. They value their relationship highly and know that their happiness as a couple affects the happiness of our family. I believe part of the reason that my parents work so well together is their deep respect for each other.
I have always admired how my dad treats my mom. He opens every door, helps her carry heavy things, still takes her on dates, works hard to provide for our whole family, and helps her with whatever else she needs. I have my dad to thank for my high standards when it comes to men. When I was little, I dreamed about finding a man who met my expectations one day, and I thought every boy would act like my dad when they got older. I was wrong. There are a lot of men who ignore the rules of chivalry nowadays, whether it’s because of lack of knowledge or lack of concern, but there are many gentlemen who still treat a lady like she deserves, and I am ever grateful to them.
I don’t believe in chivalry because “women aren’t strong enough to do things on their own”, but because I think men and women are different, with different strengths and weaknesses. Both men and women can be their absolute best selves when they act with the highest form of respect towards the other gender. Upholding the opposite gender’s dignity and value, whether in a romantic relationship or just as strangers, is the epitome of loving them. As a woman, I take that to mean that I offer my womanly gifts, like listening, loving, and using my brain and talents, to whatever relationship I am in, and expect a man to offer chivalry. I don’t think chivalry “belittles” women; rather, I think it upholds our worth and honors us. Nor do I think that chivalry “belittles” men; rather, I think it upholds their own worth and honors them as men as well.
My father’s example of chivalry has been an awesome one, not only toward my mom, but toward my sisters, myself, and all the other women he knows. Although I’ve run into many guys who seem to have forgotten about chivalry, I deeply appreciate all the others who still value it and live it out. My boyfriend, who is proof that my standards of chivalry are still found amongst men today, always makes sure I walk on the inside of the sidewalk, pays for me when we go on dates, walks me home, lets me go to communion at Mass in front of him, offers me his coat, and lives out all the other chivalry “rules”. My guy friends rush to every door to make sure that they open it for me and any of my other friends we’re walking with. Men on the buses will offer me or other women their seat if they see we’re left standing.
When the men in my life act with chivalry, I feel honored as a woman and appreciate their gestures. I don’t think that I am any better or worse than men because I am a woman, nor do I think that I simply deserve special treatment. Rather, I believe that our differences and the way we honor those differences make us work together as a great team. I love having doors held open for me, but I also love helping out a man in my life when he needs it (for example, teaching my boyfriend how to iron a shirt). I know I’m fully capable of opening my own doors, and my boyfriend could figure out how to iron eventually, but something special happens when men and women respect each other and offer bits of their own time and energy to help each other.
