I was mad; Livid is probably a better way to describe it, but I could not show it. I knew I just had to sit there and listen. Listen to all the bullshit and arguing between the people in front of me. The people I had grown to call brothers, that I had studied with, cried with, and celebrated with, were currently tearing each other apart, limb by limb, due to a small difference in ideologies. It was always Big Party v. Little Party and Frat Alphas v. Beta GDIs, and, as the President, I was expected to-- no, obligated, to fix it all.

I couldn't take it anymore, the arguing, the debacle, the degrading comments, so, after 30 minutes, I stood up, calmly pushed my chair under the table, and strolled out the front door. Outside, I craned my neck and looked back at the three looming Greek letters of our chapter house. No one had even noticed that I left. Heavily suppressed emotions and thoughts started to break the surface.

No, stay down there. I don’t want to break down. Not now.

To avoid my emotions bubbling up to the surface, I silently began my walk, reflecting on my past semesters as I passed the frats littered across the street.

Every single detail of my spring rush flooded my mind. The various brothers I met, the cheap burgers I ate, the rooftop beer pong games I played. All the good times. All the fun.

Instinctively, my feet stopped moving, as I passed by one of the houses, one of the “top houses”, one of the houses I had received a bid from. Sleek and laminated, the bid was like one of those stock paper menus at 5-star restaurants. I remember the bid rested comfortably in my hand when it was offered to me. I remember I was excited. Fuck I was happy as hell. I was happy. The exact opposite of how I felt now, standing in front of that house, feet glued to the sidewalk.

Why don’t you leave? You can still rush again.

I brushed that thought aside and continued my walk down the row.

Just leave. Other houses would want you as a brother.

I picked up my pace, going from a slow walk to a brisk stroll.

All the brothers would be united. Not fighting against one another.

I started sprinting, trying my best to escape my thoughts.

You can become the proud president of another fraternity.

My legs slowed down to a crawl. I looked around and found myself at the end of fraternity row; the intersection of Piedmont and Bancroft. I looked back and just stared emptily at all the fraternity homes before me.

No. You will not leave.

I know I should not. I know I should stay. I know it’s what I want.

Cowards run away from their problems. You’re no coward, David.

I turned and faced the dark echo of frat row, and began my trek back to the house I called home. New thoughts starting to surface.

You made the right choice. Remember why you rejected the top house bid. Remember the reasons why you joined your house. Now go and get back in the game.

As I stepped through the door of my house, the boisterous laughter of my brothers echoed throughout the house. What had caused the laughter: Another meme they had devilishly concocted about another member of the frat, who was now seizing with laughter in his chair. I couldn’t help but smile and join in on the laughter and joy that radiated among us in the house. The previous anger and tension seemed to have vanished into thin air, replaced by a warm welcoming vibe that washed over me and everyone else in the room.

I realized that night, after the walk out of the house, that it was all worth it. The frustration, the stress, the sleepless nights, the chaotic meetings. All of it was worth the trouble.

I chose to become a brother of my fraternity for a reason. Because I had found my place. A shelter from all the shit that life has to throw at me. A dance floor where I wouldn’t be judged for my obsessive love for music and dance. A classroom where I can learn from a diverse group of individuals, each having a lesson to share. A home. A home in which I had over 20 brothers who I love and care for. Over 20 brothers, to which I have broken down in front of multiple times and who have supported me through the toughest trials of my college career. All of it was worth the trouble.

I know I’m not a perfect leader. I have made mistakes already during my time as president and I’m bound to make more. Regardless, I was chosen by the brothers to lead them, to help them, to be the captain of their ship. I’m not ready to give up, and I’m sure as hell ready to face any problem head on.

It’s going to suck. That’s a no-brainer. But I want to give back to the fraternity that has helped me through everything in life. It’s my turn to help the fraternity out and lead it to a better state.

When the laughter settled down, the brothers noticed my return and stared at me with blank faces, waiting for me to lecture them about the previous conflict. My eyes skimmed over the brothers in the room as silence began to settle. I took a deep breath, shuffled my feet around and boasted out “FOR THE FRAT”. Suddenly the silence was broken and laughter filled the air once more. The brothers started yelling out “David Jin, Delta Sigma Phi, here”.

That's right. You’re David Jin, the President of Delta Sigma Phi. You belong here, in this house.

I remembered why I joined. Now I know why I stayed.