Why Staring at the Ceiling is Bad For Your Health

Why Staring at the Ceiling is Bad For Your Health

Never stare at the ceiling on a potential filled Saturday

Why Staring at the Ceiling is Bad for Your Health

By: Justice Seymour

SCENARIO: It’s a Saturday, you have completed your homework, you cleaned your room, groomed yourself to the best of your ability, and you, I don’t know, just have done all you could do by yourself on this very day. What next? It’s a Saturday, after all, maybe you wanna go do something fun, like see a movie, (some not totally legal things because you aren’t of age), or maybe play some Xbox (or Playstation...fine, also Nintendo). But wait, you can’t do any of that! Why? The answer is so simple, it hurts. You just don’t want to. Or you feel like you can’t. Or you can’t feel like wanting to. So what do you do? What do you do with the rest of your Saturday?? I don’t know what you should do...but I know what you shouldn’t. Do NOT stare at the ceiling.

You’ve done it before, you will do it again, but, please beware, when staring at the ceiling is your “thing to do,” you are riding on the slipperyest slope of your life. You probably start to wonder,”What’s so bad about staring at the ceiling?” but you stop, you think about it, and, suddenly, you already know. The ceiling has that way of making you feel time as it is while also accelerating it rapidly. You can stare at that sucker for hours, feel the full pain and boredom of it, and still wonder where the time had went. Staring at the ceiling is like going into Narnia except, instead of a magical world, there’s just a closet. And you’re in it. And it's just dark and cold (even though there are clothes in there so, realistically, it might be nice and toasty). When you come out, it will feel like years have passed, until you go look in the mirror and find that you are actually years older.

The powers of the ceiling are complicated. Many scientists (me) have contemplated just how it works. The only trouble is, I was staring at the ceiling when I was thinking about it. When I was done, I found that it was the next morning and time to go to class. The best way to avoid staring at the ceiling is to simply not start, the only problem is, how do you actively try not to start doing nothing at all? Here is a small list of things that might help you in your battle with the son of a gun that is your roof’s butthole:

  1. Do not use your bed for rest.
    • Only ever sleep in your bed. If you lay down, with no intention of sleeping, you are bound to stare at the ceiling.
  2. Do not wait for a text.
    • The most common place to wait for a text is laying on your back, on your bed. Do not do this. For one, the text would seem like it took forever to get to you. For two, it probably did, you just wouldn’t have felt it if you didn’t stare at the ceiling the whole time.
  3. Do not contemplate the human existence.
    • People are supposed to contemplate the human existence with a telescope, stars, and friends to show off to. NOT in your bed staring at the weird pattern on your ceiling.
  4. Do not fight with your friends (even if they’re kinda shitty)
    • Don’t give yourself a reason to be alone with your bed and your ceiling, keeping friendships keep you from being bored.
    • Always move, keep doing anything and everything because the moment you fight with your friends, and have nothing to do, and get bored, and get sad, and go to rest, and wait for texts, and think about if you ever really were meant to do anything ever or if you’re just another ant in the hill, is the very moment that you will be stuck, staring at the ceiling, wait and waiting, until your Saturday is over.
So, yeah, stare at the sky instead maybe.
Cover Image Credit: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiNrv6lgvnPAhXDKCYKHY76AUQQjB0IBg&url=http%3A%2F%2Ftheporporbooksblog.blogspot.com%2F2012%2F03%2Fstarsky-hutch-lightbulb-killer-vendetta.html&psig=AFQjCNGyMpIsKlHLGy3ISUqUjA0W5dZgOg&ust=1477590090138500

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College As Told By Junie B. Jones

A tribute to the beloved author Barbara Parks.

The Junie B. Jones series was a big part of my childhood. They were the first chapter books I ever read. On car trips, my mother would entertain my sister and me by purchasing a new Junie B. Jones book and reading it to us. My favorite part about the books then, and still, are how funny they are. Junie B. takes things very literally, and her (mis)adventures are hilarious. A lot of children's authors tend to write for children and parents in their books to keep the attention of both parties. Barbara Park, the author of the Junie B. Jones series, did just that. This is why many things Junie B. said in Kindergarten could be applied to her experiences in college, as shown here.

When Junie B. introduces herself hundreds of times during orientation week:

“My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 1)

When she goes to her first college career fair:

"Yeah, only guess what? I never even heard of that dumb word careers before. And so I won't know what the heck we're talking about." (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 2)

When she thinks people in class are gossiping about her:

“They whispered to each other for a real long time. Also, they kept looking at me. And they wouldn't even stop." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When someone asks her about the library:

“It's where the books are. And guess what? Books are my very favorite things in the whole world!" (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 27)

When she doesn't know what she's eating at the caf:

“I peeked inside the bread. I stared and stared for a real long time. 'Cause I didn't actually recognize the meat, that's why. Finally, I ate it anyway. It was tasty...whatever it was." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When she gets bored during class:

“I drew a sausage patty on my arm. Only that wasn't even an assignment." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 18)

When she considers dropping out:

“Maybe someday I will just be the Boss of Cookies instead!" (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 76)

When her friends invite her to the lake for Labor Day:

“GOOD NEWS! I CAN COME TO THE LAKE WITH YOU, I BELIEVE!" (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 17)

When her professor never enters grades on time:

“I rolled my eyes way up to the sky." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 38)

When her friends won't stop poking her on Facebook:

“Do not poke me one more time, and I mean it." (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 7)

When she finds out she got a bad test grade:

“Then my eyes got a little bit wet. I wasn't crying, though." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 17)

When she isn't allowed to have a pet on campus but really wants one:


When she has to walk across campus in the dark:

“There's no such thing as monsters. There's no such thing as monsters." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 12)

When her boyfriend breaks her heart:

“I am a bachelorette. A bachelorette is when your boyfriend named Ricardo dumps you at recess. Only I wasn't actually expecting that terrible trouble." (Junie B. Jones Is (almost) a Flower Girl, p. 1)

When she paints her first canvas:

"And painting is the funnest thing I love!" (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 61)

When her sorority takes stacked pictures:

“The biggie kids stand in the back. And the shortie kids stand in the front. I am a shortie kid. Only that is nothing to be ashamed of." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 7)

When she's had enough of the caf's food:

“Want to bake a lemon pie? A lemon pie would be fun, don't you think?" (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed p. 34)

When she forgets about an exam:

“Speechless is when your mouth can't speech." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 54)

When she finds out she has enough credits to graduate:

“A DIPLOMA! A DIPLOMA! I WILL LOVE A DIPLOMA!" (Junie B. Jones is a Graduation Girl p. 6)

When she gets home from college:

"IT'S ME! IT'S JUNIE B. JONES! I'M HOME FROM MY SCHOOL!" (Junie B. Jones and some Sneaky Peaky Spying p. 20)

Cover Image Credit: OrderOfBooks

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15 Thing Only Early 2000's Kids Will Understand

"Get connected for free, with education connection"


This is it early 2000's babies, a compilation finally made for you. This list is loaded with things that will make you swoon with nostalgia.

1. Not being accepted by the late 90's kids.


Contrary to what one may think, late 90's and early 00's kids had the same childhood, but whenever a 00's kid says they remember something on an "only 90's kids will understand" post they are ridiculed.

2. Fortune tellers.


Every day in elementary school you would whip one of these bad boys out of your desk, and proceed to tell all of your classmates what lifestyle they were going to live and who they were going to marry.



You could never read this book past 8 o'clock at night out of fear that your beloved pet rabbit would come after you.

4. Silly bands.


You vividly remember begging your parents to buy you $10 worth of cheap rubber bands that vaguely resembles the shape of an everyday object.

5. Parachutes.


The joy and excitement that washed over you whenever you saw the gym teacher pull out the huge rainbow parachute. The adrenaline that pumped through your veins whenever your gym teacher tells you the pull the chute under you and sit to make a huge "fort".

6. Putty Erasers


You always bought one whenever there was a school store.

7. iPod shuffle.


The smallest, least technological iPpd apple has made, made you the coolest kid at the bus stop.

8. "Education Connection"

You knew EVERY wood to the "Education Connection" commercials. Every. Single.Word.

9. " The Naked Brothers Band"


The "Naked Brothers Band" had a short run on Nickelodeon and wrote some absolute bangers including, "Crazy Car' and "I Don't Wanna Go To School"

10. Dance Dance Revolution


This one video game caused so many sibling, friend, and parent rivalries. This is also where you learned all of your super sick dance moves.

11. Tamagotchi


Going to school with fear of your Tamagotchi dying while you were away was your biggest worry.

12. Gym Scooters


You, or somebody you know most likely broke or jammed their finger on one of these bad boys, but it was worth it.

13. Scholastic book fairs


Begging your parents for money to buy a new book, and then actually spending it on pens, pencils, erasers, and posters.



Who knew that putting yogurt in a plastic tube made it taste so much better?

15. Slap Bracelets


Your school probably banned these for being "too dangerous".

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