Why “Relationship Jumping” Isn’t Healthy

Why “Relationship Jumping” Isn’t Healthy

Immediately jumping from relationship to relationship causes you to skip over some important lessons.
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I had a friend in high school who jumped from relationship to relationship, meaning that as soon as one relationship ended, she couldn’t wait to start another one with someone else. Although immediately beginning a new relationship with a new guy may have helped ease, and possibly diminish, her pain from her previous relationship(s), over time I realized how more and more insecure she became. I think this is because she never really took the time after her breakups to process what happened. 

Every relationship and every breakup is different, so it’s hard to speak on behalf of everyone. But after my first breakup from a serious boyfriend, I dealt with it in three stages: processing the relationship/breakup, loving myself single, and assessing the ended relationship in order to start a new one. 

First, I emotionally came to grips with the breakup. There were days where I sat in my bedroom smearing my white pillowcase with mascara as I cried for hours. But those days were also the days I became closer and closer to figuring out why the relationship wasn’t healthy, why it ended the way it did, and what I wanted to do from there. There were also days when I would spend hours at the gym, trying every exercise and workout routine I could to release the anger I had for him and our breakup. And again, those days were also the days I became less and less angry, sad, and confused about everything, because I was actually dealing with my emotions. Based on my personal experience, it dawned on me that by immediately jumping into another relationship, my friend never dealt with the emotions caused by her previous relationship and breakup. 

After I emotionally dealt with the breakup, I began to feel confident about myself without a boyfriend. I’m only a teenager; I have the rest of my life to be with someone ... so why not enjoy the time I have single? I found that loving my single status instilled closer and stronger friendships with my girl and guy friends, because I had a lot more time to spend with them. As I spent more and more time with them, I realized how important strong friendships are. Strong friendships not only create laughter and everlasting memories, they also create stability and a sense of security in life. It was so easy to feel comfortable with myself without a boyfriend because I had such great friends who I knew had my back. I feel that this post-breakup stage is crucial, because if you can’t find stability within yourself, how do you expect to find stability in a relationship shared with someone else?

After feeling confident with myself and taking time for myself and my friends, I finally felt ready to think about a future relationship. The more time I took off from a relationship, the more time I had to understand what qualities I wanted out of someone and what kind of relationship I wanted. I believe that understanding these things is what creates better, healthier relationships in the future. A friend of mine said after her breakup, “He was my biggest mistake but my biggest lesson.” The only reason she learned anything was because she took the time to discover the mistakes that were made. 

If you don’t take any time to deal with and process your past relationships and breakups, how can you create better relationships? Think about it. 

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Why I Will Tell My Children To Wait Until Marriage

Abstinence isn't just a religious thing.
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Having grown up in the Bible Belt, I was an avid church goer as a child. Both the church and my parents preached at me that "abstinence is key." They always just said that you shouldn't do anything with someone before you're married because it is just the right thing to do. I always heard that it was just frowned upon, I didn't know that it could be devastating in the future.

Many of us don't wait until marriage. In today's society, abstinence isn't exactly the top priority of our generation. Personally, I didn't wait and fell into the demographic of being "normal." I thought maybe I could find love. I believe most girls convince themselves they can marry just about anyone down the road because it helps us accept what we do. When you are doing what everyone around you seems to be doing, it makes it feel as though it isn't as "wrong" as you thought it was when you are growing up.

Until I met the love of my life, that was my mindset. It wasn't necessarily wrong and it didn't impact anyone other than myself. It turns out I was very wrong. After numerous liars and jerks, I finally found the man that I have always wanted. The guy who gives us that dream that we all have as little girls, but gave up on as we grew older. Neither of us waited until marriage, and neither of us thought of each other. We didn't know each other until we started dating, but we didn't think of the one that we would one day marry. I never knew how someone's past could devastate me. I struggle daily with insecurities and comparisons to the girls he has been with. I don't want to, but I can't help it. I know that he feels the same way about my past. It causes distrust in a society where distrust is already easy enough to have. I never wanted to be that girl that compared myself to others, but it's hard not to think about the other girls and if they were better or if he still thinks about them.

This is why I will tell my children to wait. Not just because God says so, but because it does involve someone other than themselves. It hurts the one they end up marrying. It hurts them later in life. I want my children to do their part of not instilling this lack of confidence that I find myself struggling with. Maybe we can raise our children to be a generation where sex isn't just sex, and it means something again. If abstinence isn't appealing to you because of God, maybe it can appeal to you when you think of that dream guy or girl. Wait for him. Wait for her. Wait for yourself.


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15 Winter Dates For Couples Who'd Rather Snuggle Indoors Than Step Foot Outside

Do I wanna build a snowman? Uhhhh NO!

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Christmas time in New England can get pretty damn cold. I mean, we do have a few warm days, but for the most part, it's cold, windy, and sometimes snowy out. Now, if you're anything like me and you don't like the cold, typical Christmas dates might not be for you, but luckily there's plenty of cute dates that don't involve venturing out in the freezing abyss.

So get your hot chocolate, eggnog, ugly sweaters and festive pajamas ready because here are 15 fun winter dates that don't involve you and your partner leaving the house at all.

1. Ginger bread house competition

2. Classic Christmas movie marathon

3. Hallmark movie marathon

Only because my boyfriend's mom LOVES them.

4. Okay so really just any Christmas movie marathon.

SANTAAAAAA

5. Making Christmas ornaments

6. Paper snowflake making competition

7. Baking and decorating (and eating!) Christmas cookies

8. Dance around to Christmas music

9. Make each other a new stocking

10. Write a letter to Santa

Super silly but super cute.

11. Take cute Christmas pictures

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Perfect time for those ugly Christmas sweaters or Christmas pajamas.

12. Decorate the Christmas tree

And you know the rest of the inside of the house.

13. Wrap presents together

14. Hang a mistletoe and kiss under it

15. Stay up tracking Santa

Don't forget to leave milk and cookies out for him, and carrots out for the reindeer.

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