Why “Relationship Jumping” Isn’t Healthy

Why “Relationship Jumping” Isn’t Healthy

Immediately jumping from relationship to relationship causes you to skip over some important lessons.
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I had a friend in high school who jumped from relationship to relationship, meaning that as soon as one relationship ended, she couldn’t wait to start another one with someone else. Although immediately beginning a new relationship with a new guy may have helped ease, and possibly diminish, her pain from her previous relationship(s), over time I realized how more and more insecure she became. I think this is because she never really took the time after her breakups to process what happened. 

Every relationship and every breakup is different, so it’s hard to speak on behalf of everyone. But after my first breakup from a serious boyfriend, I dealt with it in three stages: processing the relationship/breakup, loving myself single, and assessing the ended relationship in order to start a new one. 

First, I emotionally came to grips with the breakup. There were days where I sat in my bedroom smearing my white pillowcase with mascara as I cried for hours. But those days were also the days I became closer and closer to figuring out why the relationship wasn’t healthy, why it ended the way it did, and what I wanted to do from there. There were also days when I would spend hours at the gym, trying every exercise and workout routine I could to release the anger I had for him and our breakup. And again, those days were also the days I became less and less angry, sad, and confused about everything, because I was actually dealing with my emotions. Based on my personal experience, it dawned on me that by immediately jumping into another relationship, my friend never dealt with the emotions caused by her previous relationship and breakup. 

After I emotionally dealt with the breakup, I began to feel confident about myself without a boyfriend. I’m only a teenager; I have the rest of my life to be with someone ... so why not enjoy the time I have single? I found that loving my single status instilled closer and stronger friendships with my girl and guy friends, because I had a lot more time to spend with them. As I spent more and more time with them, I realized how important strong friendships are. Strong friendships not only create laughter and everlasting memories, they also create stability and a sense of security in life. It was so easy to feel comfortable with myself without a boyfriend because I had such great friends who I knew had my back. I feel that this post-breakup stage is crucial, because if you can’t find stability within yourself, how do you expect to find stability in a relationship shared with someone else?

After feeling confident with myself and taking time for myself and my friends, I finally felt ready to think about a future relationship. The more time I took off from a relationship, the more time I had to understand what qualities I wanted out of someone and what kind of relationship I wanted. I believe that understanding these things is what creates better, healthier relationships in the future. A friend of mine said after her breakup, “He was my biggest mistake but my biggest lesson.” The only reason she learned anything was because she took the time to discover the mistakes that were made. 

If you don’t take any time to deal with and process your past relationships and breakups, how can you create better relationships? Think about it. 

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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5 Outdated Taboos That Are Fundamentally Crippling To Your Dating Life

Why are there so many "rules" and why are we still following them?

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It used to be taboo to date interracially. It used to be taboo for women to show their ankles. Taboos have their purpose but some are just downright stupid. Here are 5 dating taboos everyone needs to stop adhering to.

1. Guys Should Make The First Move

Walking up and talking to someone you find attractive is just as hard for guys as it is for girls. If your someone you want to get your flirt on with, go for it. A lot of guys appreciate the confidence it takes for a girl to approach them so, go on and strut your stuff. The worst he can say is, "No."

2. You Shouldn’t Date Right After A Breakup

Obviously, you should give yourself at least a few weeks after a breakup before jumping right back on the market but, are you supposed to just give up your opportunities because your breakup was recent? If you're ready, get back out there. They don't call it The Rebound for no reason. Plus, dating someone new could be just what you need to move on from your ex.

3. Keep The Conversation Neutral on A First Date

You can only have a surface conversation for so long. The whole purpose of a date is to get to know the other person. Don't waste time beating around the bush. You should talk about things like religion and politics because for many these topics can be complete deal breakers. Better to find out early on rather than later.

4. Girls Shouldn’t Text First

If you want to text him, then just text him. Don't sit around waiting to hear from him, jumping at every sound your phone makes. If a guy minds getting a text from a girl first that's his problem and you're better off without him.

5. Guys Should Always Pay

To offer is the right thing to do of course, especially on a first date but, there's no harm in splitting the bill. If it's the second, third or fourth date, you should absolutely split the bill. You're dating the guy, not trying to dry out his wallet.

We're making dating so much more difficult than it has to be by following these rules. Let's all stop wasting our time and just get to know each other without worrying so much about doing what we're supposed to.

Cover Image Credit:

NBC/The Office

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