Now, before you read too much into my title, let me explain. I've grown up in a church since the morning I was born. The church threw a baby shower for my mother, many of them were at the hospital the day I was born, and they gave me one of my first blankets (a colorful quilt of the fruits of the spirit). The church has been and continues to be an integral part of my life. They have taught me a lot about faith, what a good Christian life practically looks like, and more than I could imagine about the Bible. For that, I am eternally grateful. But, walking in and out of that door, listening to the teaching, and sitting front and center every Sunday did not guarantee my salvation.

I am sure many of you would agree with that last statement of mine, but I am here to tell you how it misled me.

After leaving two years ago for my freshman year of college, I have made the mistakes my upbringing tried so hard to avoid. Looking at my life in hindsight, I had to ask myself, "Is that the life of a saved individual? Is that the kind of life that models after Christ?" The answer was no.

I had Philippians 1:27, "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ," stare me in the face every day and I still lived an untruthful, chaotic life. It took me until my counselor asked me those very questions this summer to really consider: Am I saved?

Once I had acquired my first little dose of freedom, my life fell apart rather quickly. I was unhappy, even depressed. I did things I knew were wrong. I compromised my morals. My life had shown little to no fruit. I was all talk, but no walk.

This false amenity that the church creates for church going kids is unsettling. They either end up lost, loathing their parents and their faith, or devout Christians. One of the most unsettling things to me is that some believe they are one thing and end up being the other. I had been the latter.

I had learned this summer through my counselor that my salvation experience was more than likely a fraud. The countless times I had said the prayer at Awana's or went to bible school every Thursday for most of my childhood had not been the real thing. They were all crutches that I was leaning on, legitimizing my salvation with their heartwarming stories.

Even if I had authentically accepted the Lord into my heart in one of those moments, my life have proven otherwise. I have lied. I have had sex before marriage. I have let everything I stood for growing up fall to the wayside. Am I proud of myself? No! If I could take them back I could, but, without making them, I wouldn't have come to the place where I am today.

I was lacking something I thought I had and my life fell apart because of it. Last night on the phone with a friend of mine, he expressed to me the simplicity of salvation. He said that if I didn't believe that I was saved, I could do it that moment. He continued saying that once we have that salvation experience, however it may play out, from that moment on, we have to trust God that He is sovereign. That conversation had brought so much peace into my life. The moment I hung up, I had my personal salvation experience and this time I was sure.

I envy those who had an authentic salvation experience. The ones who knew nothing until that revelatory moment that they can recall vividly. But, my heart is also full of joy for them. They didn't have to grapple with doubt and uncertainty like I did. They knew that that very moment, their life would be changed forever. I was 20 years old and it happened at midnight on a random Thursday in July. It was the moment when I finally understood the truth. The truth of who God is and the truth of who I am without Him. What a humbling and comforting truth.

Growing up in a church is one of the most wonderful yet one of the most dangerous things one could experience. I was surrounded by truth, but no one until this summer revealed life changing truth. I am glad it was done before it was too late. For her, I am eternally grateful.

Parents, pastors, youth pastors or anyone else who has an influence in a child's life, I exhort you to talk to them. Make sure they understand the concept of salvation and that not every can or will experience it. Not everyone is called, but make sure that they are clear on how that process works. Make sure they don't live a lie like me.