It's been a remarkably good year, yet I am so ready for summer.
Maybe it's that the closer I get to summer, the closer I am to the rest of my life, which I am quite looking forward to.
But this has been a good year. I've grown remarkably as a person. I've gone from that girl who defines her worth in her relationship status to a girl who finds her worth in the One who gave it to her. I've gone from settling to pursuing deeper my relationship with the Lord. I've changed. I have drive. I have vision. And I'm better for it.
So why am I so ready for it to end?
Honestly, I think of leaving Corban, even for the summer, and I freak out a little. I mean, this is where all my personal growth has been happening. What if I leave and it flies out the window forever?
But here's the thing: That's not how it works.
I was talking with my mom about this sort of thing the other day, and I realized something: If it's a heart change, it doesn't go away just like that. It may dissipate over time. I'll allow for that. But it won't completely vanish.
Summer is going to be wonderful. I'm hopefully going to get a job. I'll be volunteering like crazy. I am - finally - going to get my gosh dang license. And after summer comes wonderful things, too. It'll be my last year in the dorms. I have a wonderful roommate in a new dorm. I'm president of the writing club, I'll be doing theater again. Maybe I'll be working on campus.
So, perhaps I am excited for summer because after summer comes next year.
Overall, I think I'm excited to move on because I am excited to mature.
Maturing hasn't been an easy process, nor do I doubt that it will continue to be difficult. But it has been so utterly worth it. I look back on where I was in high school, and I cringe. Heck, I look back on where I was two years ago, and I cringe. But I look at where I am now and know that, in two years, I'll probably cringe again.
The future is also a bit crazy. I don't know where I'll be after I graduate in a year in a half. Secured a job here in Salem? On an internship in the Philippines? Single? Married? Indifferent? Who knows. But I'm remarkably at peace about the future. In fact, I'm running full speed at it with open arms.
Because I know, no matter what, He knows His plans for me.