Last week, a new app called Pokemon GO was released. Those who anticipated the game downloaded it immediately and began hunting for Pokemon. The app was then picked up by mainstream media and everyone started to download it. Kids and college students to adults and families were roaming around their neighborhoods attempting to catch them all. With all of the hype around the app, here is a list of what makes Pokemon GO the actual worst.
1. You exercise.
The app requires you to actually leave your house and walk around. Using GPS tracking, it shows your real location, with real-world landmarks called "PokeSpots" that you stop by for items. I don't know about you, but I don't want to exercise. I really love staying in my room all day watching another season of "Friends." I've heard of someone who lost like eight pounds just from walking around searching for Pokemon... This truly proves that exercise is for nerds.
2. You meet new people.
With everyone else playing the game, you are bound to run into people on the streets who are also looking for Pokemon. Meeting new people sounds awful and like a waste of my time. What do I do if someone comes up to me asking, "Caught anything cool around here?" I am a hermit who wants to eat pizza and play Overwatch in my room. Not to mention since everyone is playing the same game, they're all just carbon copies of each other. How dare people have similar interests; we all have to be different.
3. You explore the real world.
Since you have to actually leave your house to catch all 151 Pokemon, this means you get to see the world beyond your neighborhood. I can't stay cooped up in my house to catch them all -- Pokemon aren't all native to just one area. Some of the water types are by bodies of water or the grass types are around forests. Pokemon GO has people going to the ends of the world looking for every last one. Ew.
4. You pick a team.
Upon reaching level five, the players can choose a team that they want to be a part of. There are three teams, Team Mystic, Team Valor, and Team Instinct. This is turning into sports-like territory, and I'm not about sports. Picking a team to be loyal to sounds like a whole lot of work and I don't think my mind can comprehend that. What even is team spirit?
5. You gotta catch them all.
There are 151 Pokemon in the first generation -- that's 150 more than I want to attempt to catch. Like, give me a Pikachu and we all good, but the fact I have to attempt to get them all is too much of a task to ask of me. I have to catch like 30 Magikarps to even get close to a Gyrados, and I do not have the time for that. Having a goal for something is pointless. I would much rather wander around aimlessly, because that's how it was when I was a kid.
Pokemon GO is ruining our children by getting them to exercise, see the world outside, and make friends. If that's your kind of thing, then Pokemon GO is perfect for you. GO out and have some fun catching Pokemon and enjoying nature. Be a loser.
