Why Paul Blart (the Mall Cop) Inspires me

Why Paul Blart (the Mall Cop) Inspires me

He's a pretty sweet dude


This January 16th, Paul Blart the Mall Cop will be celebrating its tenth anniversary. It's a big deal.

If you haven't heard of him before, he is a mall cop that enjoys talking to the lady in charge of the wig kiosk, eating sugary treats to help keep his blood sugar high, and being a loving father to his daughter.

The real action in the movie begins during the holiday season, when Paul Blart is the only security guard left in the mall when criminals take hostages and shut down the mall to pull off an identity-theft heist. He is the unexpected hero of the movie.

A lot of my friends would say that this movie is ridiculously bad. They would say the humor is not sophisticated, Paul trying to prove himself to the wig kiosk lady is cheesy, and my friends could be watching Elf or Home Alone instead.

I understand where they are coming from, but Paul Blart is a cool character and here is why.

1. Paul Blart is Hard Working

He worked really hard during police training at the academy, but as bad luck would have it, he passed out during his final exam due to low blood sugar. Even though this was a huge blow to his self esteem, he didn't quit his dream to protect others and he didn't quit his job at the mall. I find that admirable.

2. Paul Blart is Clever

Did you see how he used props to outwit those criminals? Paul Blart used the mannequins and other store props to battle the bad guys and gals. I think its important in daily life to use what is available to you for your best advantage, so kudos to Paul Blart.

3. Paul Blart is Friendly

He's friendly to the kids in the mall, the people at the kiosks, and the other security guards. He even tries to be civil to the really annoying SWAT dude. It's so much easier to choose to be bitter and angry at people, especially when your hard work to thwart the villains' plan is unappreciated by so many people. But Paul Blart remains positive and optimistic as he saves the day.

4. Paul Blart is Bold

Well... he's bold in almost everything but asking his crush out (which he does eventually #spoiler). He boldly stays in the mall to give the police and SWAT team eyes on the inside. He boldly goes around on his segway to catch up to and capture the bad guys. He even boldly licks a piece of candy off of the floor when he needed some sugar to keep himself energized. We need more courageous men like Paul Blart.

I know it's not Elf or Home Alone, but Paul Blart the Mall Cop has its own adorable charm and important lessons to take away from it. It's on my watch list this holiday season, and maybe now it will make your watch list, too.

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75 Of The Most Iconic Vine Quotes

"I smell like beef"


Vine may be dead but vine references live on. I still watch vine threads AT LEAST twice a day. Here are 75 of the most quotable vines:

1. "Ooooooo, he needs some milk"

2. "Hi welcome to Chili's"

3. "It is Wednesday my dudes"

4. "Country boy, I love you ahhhwweelhwh"

5. "Escalera oooooooaaaa"

6. "F**k ya chicken strips"

7. "Barbecue sauce on my titties"

8. "Gimme your F**KING money"

9. "That was legitness"

10. "Ms. Keisha, MS. KEISHA! Oh my f**king god she f**king dead"

11. "Fre sha vocado"

12. "Staaaahp I coulda dropped my croissant"

13. "That's my OPINION"

14. "You're not my dad, ugly ass f**king noodle head"

15. "What the f**k Richard"

16. "This bitch empty, YEET"

17. "Road work ahead? Yeah, I sure hope it does"

18. "What up I'm Jared I'm 19 and I never f**king learned how to read"

19. "Um I'm never been to oovoo javer"

20. "My god they were roommates"

21. "Why are you running, why are you running"

22. "Whoever threw that paper, your mom's a hoe"

23. "I can't swim"

24. "Lebron James"

25. "It's an avocado, thanksssss"

26. "Mother trucker dude that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick"

27. "Watch your profanity"

28. "I love you bitch, I ain't never gonna stop loving you, biiiiiitch"

29. "What are thoooooose"

30. "I smell like beef"

31. "You better stop"

32. "What the F**K IS UP KYLE"

33. "Come get y'all juice"

34. "Two bros, chilling in a hot tub, 5 feet apart cause they're not gay"

35. "So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift."

36. "I wanna be a cowboy baby"

37. "Why you always lying"

38. "Nice Ron" "I sneezed, oh what am I not allowed to sneeze"

39. "I'm washing me and my clothes"

40. "Honey, you've got a big storm coming"

41. "XOXO, gossip girl"

42. "Shoutout to all the pear"

43. "A potato flew around my room before you came"

44. "Chipotle is my life"

45. "Look at all those chickens"


47. "I like turtles"

48. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life, watermelon, INSIDE A WATERMELON"

49. "Deez nuts, HA GOT EM"

50. "F**k you I don't want no ravioli"

51. "21"

52. "I'm in my mum's car, broom broom"

53. "Iridocyclitis"

54. "You know what, I'm about to say it"

55. "That is NOT correct"

56. "Uh I'm not finished" "Oh my god can you let me do what I need to do"

57. "I have osteoporosis"

58. "ADAM"

59. "Merry Chrysler"

60. "Wait a minute, who ARE you"

61. "Try me bitch"


63. "I didn't get no sleep cause of y'all, y'all not gone get no sleep cause of me"

64. "Do you want to go see Uncle Cracker or no"

65. "So no head?"

66. "You got eczema"

67. "I am shooketh"

68. "Hey my name is Trey I have a basketball game tomorrow"

69. "Can I PLEASE get a waffle"

70. "There is only one thing worse than a rapist" "A child"

71. "Ah f**k, I can't believe you've done this"

72. "Bitch I hope the f**k you do"

73. "Two shots of vodka"

74. "F**k off Janet, I'm not going to your f**king baby shower"

75. "JEEEEEZ, Jesus Christ"

Cover Image Credit:

Vine/Katie Ryan

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It's Time To Settle The Most Important Debate Of Mankind, Michael Scott Style

This debate has torn families apart. It's time we settle this.


Since the dawn of time, there has been a violent debate that has not even come close to ending. Especially in the year 2019, this debate has grown so much. Issues have arisen. Tensions have flared, families have been torn apart, and Thanksgiving dinner has turned awkward. I think you all know what I'm talking about.

The debate on pens versus pencils.

Now we're going to unleash our inner Michael Scott and take a look at this controversial matter cage match style.

Now we're going to be taking a look at this debate from a few different categories.


You need to be a complete badass to use a pen for everything. You have the self-confidence of Arnold Schwarzenegger if you feel fully comfortable using a pen without feeling self-conscious about making a mistake and needing an eraser.

If you use a pencil, that's not to say you're not gutsy, it's just that you're significantly less gutsy. I always make mistakes so a pencil is right up my alley, and I've fully accepted the fact that I am not a gutsy individual.

Now you might be thinking, "Hey, what about an erasable pen?" If you use an erasable pen, you're even less gutsy than someone who uses a pencil.


Writing with a pen immediately makes your writing look prettier, no doubt about it. I could write a shopping list and plant it in an Egyptian desert, and an explorer would think it was King Tut's diary. But writing in pen, my handwriting instantly looks slightly less disgustingly ugly.

Granted, some people can write neatly with a pen or pencil, but we need a winner for this category, so we're going with the pen.


Unless you're giving out the answers to the midterm in Morse code, there's no reason you should be clicking your pen so much. If you keep doing it the whole lecture I swear I will Tom Brady that pen across the room.

Unless you're practicing to be the backup drummer for a heavy metal band, there's really no way to annoy anyone with a pencil. Therefore, pencils take victory in the category.


We've all gotten frustrated and snapped a pencil over our forehead when Daniel McGill told on you to the principal for bringing in candy on Halloween in fourth grade. Maybe not.

But imagine what kind of psychopath would snap a pen over their forehead out of anger. I would want a restraining order filled out against that person, stat.


Let me ask you one question. How many different kinds of pencils do you see in stores? Yeah yeah yeah, I know all about those crummy pencils that have rock hard erasers, but the only right answer is Ticonderoga. If you use any other brand of pencil, please stay far away from me.

There are three aisles of pens at my Staples. Anyone in the world would be able to find pens they like.


All I need to say about this one is: you don't need to sharpen a pen.


The pen is superior to the pencil. Don't @ me.

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