It’s Nov. 1.
You’re at a department store. All of the Halloween decorations have disappeared, mystically replaced with wreaths, garlands, twinkly lights, and various interpretations of Santa Claus. “Halloween just ended!” you cry out, distraught. “It’s not even Thanksgiving yet! Why are there Christmas decorations out so early?”
The traditional answer to this question is that corporations have commercialized Christmas and wish to capitalize as early as possible. The real reason is that November is the most miserable month of the year and going straight from Halloween to Christmas is a desperate attempt to eradicate November once and for all. Don’t believe me? Here are five absolutely indisputable reasons why the eleventh month of the year is a total drag.
1. It’s dark.
November marks
the beginning of autumnal Daylight Savings Time, which basically means it is
dark and depressing by the time you leave your 4 p.m. discussion. You
think it’s time to go out at 7 p.m. because it’s already been nighttime for two
hours, and you find your productivity plummeting as you go to bed earlier and
earlier. The only solution is naps. Lots and lots of naps.
2.
Thanksgiving’s not even that great.
“But Grace!” you
protest, “November has Thanksgiving!” Fair point, but is Thanksgiving ever
anyone’s favorite holiday? You get to eat a meal that you could literally eat
any other time of year — seriously, I’ve eaten a full Thanksgiving meal at
Newcomb — while your family asks about your future and your nonexistent
significant other. Besides, the return of Thanksgiving marks the beginning of
finals season, which brings up my next point…
3. Things are about to get real.
August,
September and October all come with their various stresses: papers, midterms,
group projects, problem sets, etc. but none of them hold the power of final
exams to literally make or break your entire grade. November is the calm before
the storm; it is the month in which you should really be studying and catching
up in preparation for the two week stretch of hell thrust upon us in December.
But you never actually get it
together, because you spend all of November napping.
4. The luster of fall has faded.
Ah, fall. We
anticipated the leaves changing to brilliant reds, oranges and yellows; we
asked our parents to send sweaters in hope of crisper weather; we visited
Carter’s Mountain (for the Instagram, of course). The Pumpkin Spice Latte made
its grand return (I have no comment). But in November, we lose that sense of wonder.
The brilliant leaves fade to brown and collect on our beloved brick sidewalks,
causing a hazard to our gravitationally challenged students. The weather turns
from crisp to downright cold. Everyone is tired of pumpkin spice. It’s not
fall; it’s not winter. It’s just there.
5. Time to get cheesy.
This is the part
where I say that even November’s pretty awesome if you’re at the University of
Virginia. Which is true. Wahoowa!
