We've all been asked what we are looking for in a partner. Some say humor. Others say money. Deep down we all think our future mate should be attractive at some level, but we all say we want to be with someone nice; it sounds so plausible, so easy to obtain. But in practice it's pretty hard to deal with niceness when it does come along. A tiny part of us might think, "If they are any good, why are they interested in us?"

If we aren't totally convinced of our own lovability, another person's affections could be a bit unnerving. We think to ourself, "Wouldn't they rather be with someone else? Is something wrong with them?" Most of us need the gratification of others. We live in a society where self-love isn't common, so we look to others to see our best features while we only focus on our flaws.

Their niceness can be so unsettling, so you might even try a trick or two. We screen their calls, avoid texts, or just ignore them in general to see if they will stick around when the going gets tough. Some of us might ignore them completely, or lash out to see if they will still enjoy our company or even calm us down.

People who treat us like shit can seem like they understand something so profound about life and about us. Their assessment of us is more aligned with our assessment of ourselves. We shouldn't hold it against nice people if they like us. Maybe they see something in us we overlooked. Maybe they see the part of us that we always wanted to see. Maybe they don't see the broken pieces of ourselves that we see in the mirror every morning.

But you, the nice ones, shouldn't be naive either. It's very frightening to deal with niceness. It can be unfamiliar. It can freak some of us out. But hang in there; keep bringing flowers, tell us you're thinking of us, ask if we got home safe. We'll get used to it. Don't change who you are because we aren't used to it.

That doesn't mean you have to be nice all the time. It's OK to be upset, or to get angry, or even be sad. These are all normal emotions. You still need to keep your best interest at heart. You can put the lives of everyone before your own and call it love. Ultimately, you are the only one you can take care of.

Both parties need to put effort in though. If someone is nice to you, then return the favor. It takes no effort to be polite to people. Any kind of relationship is a two-way street that requires communication from those involved. One person can't carry the love, kindness, and caring nature of a relationship. It just won't work.