I have been a severe stutterer since the age of two, and honestly, it is tough sometimes.
When I was younger, I used to pray to God and ask Him to take my stutter away because I wanted to be “normal." I didn’t feel normal because when I would go out in public, order dinner at a restaurant or talk to a stranger, I would get silly looks; sometimes people would even laugh in my face.
Stuttering is not just a small problem. It is a constant struggle that messes with your mind and your emotions on a daily basis.
I never fully say what I am thinking because of the fear of being interrupted. I dread going to class even though I absolutely love learning; I am scared I will have to speak aloud.
When I was 12 years old, my grandmother took my sister and me to Subway. My grandmother allowed us to be “big girls” that day, so we went inside alone. I usually made my ten-year-old sister order for me but I was feeling quite brave that day so I decided to order my food myself. I started to stutter, and the woman working at Subway laughed in my face. I didn’t have the nerve to say anything else so we got our food, paid and then walked out of the door. I will never forget that day. Ever. If that incident happened today, I would kindly ask the woman what she was laughing at, ask her if she was really that ignorant and walk out of the door right then and there; my sister would probably jump behind the counter and beat the woman up, but that's a different story.
Anyway, as I have gotten older, I have come to accept that my stutter is not something I can fully control. It can improve with speech therapy and hopefully age; sure, there are days when my speech is better than others. Be that as it may, I have also realized that I should not be ashamed of my speech impediment because it is a part of who I am. It has been a part of me for as long as I can remember.
In some ways, I am thankful for my stutter. It has taught me to be humble, to be confident in myself and to keep my mouth shut when needed. I am also thankful for the people that have listened to me talk for hours about nonsense, never interrupting me. I have been blessed with three speech therapists that have gotten me to where I am today and I am so thankful for them. When I was younger, I could hardly speak at all— everything I wanted to say I would write down on paper. Now, I can fully engage in conversations with people; sometimes when I am talking to people, they don’t even know I have a stutter until I tell them.
Now, instead of praying to God to take my stutter away, I pray for Him to make people more aware of others and their feelings. I pray that He gives me the courage to say what is on my mind. I pray that He gives everyone with a speech impediment a little push to go out and talk to people. Most importantly, though, I pray that He makes everyone with a stutter feel wanted, loved and "normal."
I am normal. I am wanted. I am loved. My stutter does not and will not define me.
