I have lived in the same place for my entire life. I was never the new kid growing up, and I never had to pack up all of my things and take them somewhere else. I now realize how lucky I have been. As of last Friday December 9, 2016, I moved into my first apartment with my boyfriend. We had been planning to move into a place together for a little while, and certain circumstances made both of us realize that it was time to get our own place.

I never realized how hard moving actually is. You have to get a BUNCH of boxes. Then you have to find packing tape (in my case a huge roll of duct tape), cleaning, trying to pack efficiently, loading it into the car, and find someone with a truck to transport larger items such as tables, chairs, beds, etc. There are so many little details. You have to buy bathroom supplies, pots and pans, laundry detergent, and so many other things that I’m probably forgetting (but I hopefully remembered to bring to my apartment).

Overall, moving is extremely disorienting, and confusing. It can be hard not to drown under piles and piles of boxes. It is easy to get overwhelmed by the chaos that will come when a new place is filled with clutter. My kitchen drives me crazy because instead of the organization I’m used to, nothing is where it’s supposed to be. At this point, I don’t even know where it’s supposed to be, since I haven’t ever put a kitchen together before.

Unpacking can be especially stressful too, since I’ve never had to combine two bedrooms into one before. I didn’t realize how much stuff people acquire throughout their lives. I find myself stressing over the possibility of out closet being too full, or not having enough room in the dresser for everything.

Sometimes I feel like a little girl holding up an adult-sized puppet. Sometimes I feel like I’m barely holding it together, and I wonder if I was truly ready for this.

But in the moments when I want to give up the most, I look at him. The man I love, the one I hope to spend the rest of my life with. When he smiles at me and reassures me, it makes me feel like all of my (and his) efforts are worth it, that eventually we will have a home together. That realization is what makes all of the blood, sweat, and stress worth it. Knowing that I’m building a life for myself with an amazing man who has been there for me throughout so many hardships.

Moving into your own apartment can be extremely frustrating, overwhelming, and scary. Having freedom means more responsibility. But after all of the boxes are unpacked and it starts to feel like home, it all seems worth it in the end.