One of the biggest taboos in dating is the statement,
“Long distance cannot work.”
I know that I personally get frustrated when I hear those words, especially now since I have been doing long distance for a few months.
Nothing is more discouraging then when someone asks you about your relationship and, as soon as long distance makes its way into the conversation, a person remarks, “Oh, that is never going to work out.”
What in the world? Where did this even come from and why is this even a thing?
Even before I had been doing long distance, it was never something that I thought was impossible. In fact, I have always thought that couples who can do long distance and remain together prove themselves to be even stronger and more grounded then those who have to be together literally every day.
Of course, I have nothing against those couples who do need to see each other every day, but I want to address this now, LONG DISTANCE IS POSSIBLE AND IS NOT A BAD THING.
Before I delve too deeply into this, there is one thing I want to explain, and that is the “love languages.”
There are 5 different love languages: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service and gift giving. In the most basic sense, quality time is when a person feels love when another individual makes time for them. Physical touch is when someone feels love through well, physical touch.
This can be things like a hug, holding hands, and even being near each other. Words of affirmation is when an individual feels love through words. This could be in the form of a random text message that says “I love you” and expressing affections through words of all sorts. Acts of service could be anything from picking someone up from work, to bringing someone lunch or helping with their laundry. Gift giving is self-explanatory as well, it is when a person feels love with gifts like coffee or movie tickets.
Everybody has a love language, and it is generally smart to have a conversation with the person you intend to date about their love languages because it helps with communication and when it comes to “getting through the tough stuff.” Every individual has a “top two” of the five and it is important that both individuals know them and cater to them. Now that we have a basic understanding of love languages, let’s fit long distance into this equation.
Long distance is hard in a general sense for the obvious, you are not together, you cannot physically be near each other and distance makes communicating so much more difficult. The smallest of arguments or disagreements can sometimes seem even more drastic or dramatic just because you cannot talk it out in person and you rely on a phone call or FaceTime to speak. In many ways, distance makes the small things even bigger.
Speaking from experience, I know these things to be true, but I can also speak for the amazing blessings that long distance has given me.
I am an individual whose top love languages are physical touch and quality time. Quality time can be semi accommodated with devoting time to phone calls and certain nights to Facetime dates, but physical touch, not so much. It is definitely hard because a big thing for me with physical touch is that a lot of times, I do not need words to know that I am loved. I feel the affection just when he is near me and if I get sad or even extremely happy, I feel comfort just being held and hugged. Words do not really do it for me.
However, the long distance has made our relationship so much stronger and me as an individual more confident.
Long distance requires a great deal of trust and that can be tricky for many people because many of us have been burned badly in the past and that is not easy to overcome. However, that is what makes long distance so beautiful. I know that both my boyfriend and I have been burned pretty badly and there are times where our insecurities really come to show. Remember how I mentioned that the little things seem so much bigger? Well, that is true in this case too, my insecurities seem to blow up in my face sometimes just because he is so far away.
But when you care about someone, trust goes a long way because you both are being vulnerable and open with each other in ways you do not with everyone else. Insecurities and all. I suppose what I am trying to say is that there is obvious risk and yes, not a lot of people can do long distance, but with all of the odds against us, I feel even more confident in the relationship I am in and that is because we have overcome all of these trials, despite the long distance.
Long distance only makes things harder, but not impossible. When a couple is able work through arguments and pain without being near each other, there is so much reward. There is so much trust and so much patience involved and when a couple can display both to each other, the relationship only becomes stronger.
Long distance has made me value and cherish the time I have with my boyfriend all the more. The things he does for me, even the small ones, seem so much greater and significant then they did before. I trust him with my whole being and that is because one, I do not really have a choice, and two, he has given me no reason not to. I love my boyfriend and I love what long distance has done for us.
I think a common misconception is that long distance is a curse, but in many ways, it has served as a blessing for us. Perspective can change a lot. Distance may put two people further apart and I honestly believe that it takes much more time and work to keep a relationship alive when you are not together, but those who put the effort in and truly take a risk and simply trust each other come out even stronger and more victorious.
I know that I have had to do a lot of self-evaluating and reflection while being apart from my boyfriend, but I truly believe that it has made me a better person, a better daughter of God, a better friend, and a better girlfriend.
So, instead of looking at long distance as something that not only physically keeps you apart, but also rips the relationship apart, see it as an opportunity to grow and become better. Both together, and on your own.
