In real life, aka post-college, if you meet someone you like, you go on a date. After that date, if he likes you, he calls you (within the three-day window of course). If your first date went well, you go out some more, and then after an appropriate number of dates, it is established that you are only dating each other, and thus you are in a relationship, and that is that.
College “relationships” (dare we call them that) are not that simple. In college, if you happen to get to the point with a guy/girl where you have hooked up on the dance floor more than once, congratulate yourself, because this is an accomplishment. Then maybe you are texting a lot, which of course means he’s super into you. You reach the next step when you start going over to his place late at night after you have both gone out. Romantic, right?
Then, after a few weeks or so of this routine, with maybe a few sober hangouts mixed in, one of you has the balls to ask the other if they are “hooking up with anyone else.” If the answer is no, in the real world a relationship would seem like the most logical progression. However, in college there is an important step before that, and that step constructed by the horny college student is called being “exclusive.”
Being exclusive, meaning that you are only sticking it to each other, is actually a big step in the college “dating” world. And it’s not just the fact that you aren’t allowed to “get with” other people that makes this a BFD, but being exclusive, is considered a label, thus for the guys/girls who are “freaked out by labels,” taking this leap can feel scary.
Why your run-of-the-mill college kid is plagued with this new phobia called “fear of labels” can be attributed to many different factors. For guys, it can be due to the fact that they come to college and, for the first time in their lives, have complete freedom to do whatever they want with whomever they want and face no consequences. Why? Because the copious amounts of alcohol, and the general hook up culture that college entails promotes random conquests, and demotes follow through. So after experiencing this freedom, and obviously loving it, if you really start to like someone, letting go of that newfound liberty can still be scary.
For guys and girls alike, another factor to which “the fear” can be attributed to is the assumed pressure of titling your relationship. When you put a label on a relationship, even if you agree that it shouldn't change anything, there seem to be new expectations and responsibilities. Further, the pressure can often stem from the surge of questions and feedback that comes from your friends when they hear the news.
Being asked multiple times a day “How’s so and so?” when you don’t even know how said friend knows about “so and so” is enough to make you sweat a little. Who is he/she telling? Am I sure this is what I want? Are we on the same page about how we feel? Are questions that run through your mind as you enter the kitchen and can’t even drink your OJ before being asked, “How was YOUR night?!”
While titles such as “exclusive” and “boyfriend and girlfriend” can make us cringe, we have to remember that in reality, these titles hold little tangible meaning. Rather, our actions and feelings should be what determine the seriousness of our relationships. So if you are getting frustrated with your not-boyfriend/girlfriend, about wanting to “see where things are going” rather than rushing into a label, understand that the fear is real, and that if they really like you, the label you crave will come eventually.
