Whether you're trying to make friends or impress a love interest or score a job, one awful phrase is bound to come around: "Just be yourself." Here are five reasons why that's the worst advice you can give someone.
1. The self is not a fixed entity.
According to social psychology, the self is simply a collection of identities. The image of yourself that you choose to project is just that: a choice. Maybe you choose to bleach your hair platinum blonde and wear heavy makeup every day. Does that make you any less "you"? Of course not. While there are certain aspects of your identity that you can't control (like age, nationality, personality traits), you can pretty much turn yourself into whoever you want. So then, what does it mean to "just be yourself"? Isn't that what you were going to do anyway?
2. Identities are shaped by interactions with other people.
Now that you've chosen how to project yourself, other people are going to interpret that identity and reflect their interpretation back to you. Let's say you see yourself as an excellent student and you get straight A's all your life. Then suddenly, your second semester in college you fail a midterm. Maybe you lash out on your professor, pretend it wasn't your fault -- but then you fail another exam. By this point, the identity you've constructed for yourself is threatened. You have to choose between either changing your ways or embracing your new identity as a mediocre student. How you see yourself is constantly shaped by how others perceive you. So to say "just be yourself" doesn't make any sense, because a large part of who you are is how others are going to view you.
3. It leaves little room for change and growth.
There's this concept in American culture that "being yourself" means keeping your identity static. But while it's certainly comforting to have a general idea of who you are, being yourself doesn't mean closing yourself off from change or self-development. For example, let's say you see yourself as someone who hates running, but then you have to take a running course and you realize you're actually really good at it with practice. Your identity has just changed drastically! And if you're anything like me, change can happen so quickly that you're almost a different person every week. Don't let the label others put on your "self" determine who you could become.
4. It all depends on context.
Another thing that social psychology asserts is the importance of context. Even if you have a great idea of who you are and how others see you, context still determines how well your identity is going to be taken. Assume that you're usually a very punk-rock person who likes to wear chicken skulls as pendants and show off gory tattoos. Now assume that you're going to a prestigious job interview and your friend tells you to "just be yourself." Honestly, that almost deserves a slap! Hiding your tattoos and giving the chicken skull a break isn't going to make you any less "you."
5. Not everyone is going to like you as you are.
Behind the expression "just be yourself," there's this notion that expressing yourself the way you want to express yourself is going to magically make everyone like you. Sorry to say it, but that's simply not true. Maybe you have an awkward, quirky sense of humor and all your friends think it's hilarious, but that doesn't mean you're going to score brownie points for it during sorority rush. So if your goal in life is to succeed as much as possible in social interaction, acknowledge that you may have to make an adjustment or two.
