The wise John Mayer once said (or sang?) “Friends, lovers, or nothing. There can only be one.” After all, John Mayer is the expert on all things love, right? For the longest time I was a firm believer that being best friends with the person you are also dating was simply impossible. Not only did I think that it was impossible, I also thought that those two things don’t mix. I couldn’t comprehend how you were supposed to romantically like that person and also view them as your best friend. In high school, I watched as my best friend began a relationship with a new boy. Not only did they spend an immense amount of time together, they also connected in a way I had never seen before. Me being my teenage self did not understand the bond they were sharing. At first I thought that they were simply experiencing the honey moon phase and it was lasting a little longer than normal. However, one day she posted an Instagram with him, the caption referring to him as her “best friend.” I was certainly happy for her but I did not understand how she could consider him her “best friend.” I felt that those two relationships were reserved for separate people and were not to be mixed. I felt that it was, in a way, like mixing business and pleasure. I guess, however, it worked for her because 5 years later they’re still dating and some of the people I consider to be my best friends.
As I entered college, I found myself in what turned out to be my first serious relationship. Personally, I had no idea what I was doing or what I had gotten myself into but I had my first real sense of what I thought was love and it was amazing and terrible all at the same time. One thing I did know throughout the duration of this relationship was that he was not my best friend. Sure, he was my friend and I enjoyed spending an immense amount of time with him, but I never felt totally comfortable around him. I still felt the need to hold back regarding certain things and was hesitant about completely letting go in front of him. I thought this was normal because he was my boyfriend and there were some things that boyfriends aren’t meant to see. Long story short, the relationship ended and I continued to believe that it was normal and actually important to date someone who was not your best friend.
Boy, was I wrong. After a summer spent dedicated to loving myself, I decided I was ready to open up to others again. If you told me a year ago that I would be dating the boy I am currently dating I don’t know if I would believe you. But wow, am I glad the way things worked out. Within three weeks of becoming involved we were in a relationship and I was head over heels for him. I quickly realized that something about our relationship was different than anything I had ever experienced before and I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then one day I realized, not only was he my boyfriend, he was also my best friend. I finally understood what my best friend was talking about when she referred to her boyfriend as her best friend.
As our relationship continues to grow, I continually realize why its not only important, but imperative to date your best friend. Loving someone is one thing in a relationship, but its not everything. Being able to eat a disgusting amount of food in front of him and knowing he still finds you as attractive as ever is not only comforting, but encouraging. Having someone you can let loose and be yourself around – I mean your true, disgusting self- not only makes you feel better about yourself but lets your relationship continually flourish. Your best friend is someone who knows all your flaws, weaknesses, gross habits, favorite foods, and pet peeves and still accepts you anyways. With this comes the comfort of knowing that nothing is too embarrassing to share and that nine times out of ten regardless of the person you once were or the things you’re not proud of, they’re still going to love you.
He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. At times, I hate it because he can tell when something is wrong even if I don’t want him to know. But when I really step back and look at the big picture, this is the biggest blessing. Because I found my best friend in him communication is easier, laughs are louder, smiles are brighter, and memories are made all the time. I know I don’t have to hide my true self from him and it’s so comforting. I can’t speak for everyone, but if you’re not dating your best friend then what’s the point? I’m dating the boy who for a year, only communicated with me by sending gifs via Facebook messenger. I could have never told you that I’d fall in love and become best friends with him, but life is full of surprises and this was one of the better ones. So ladies and gents, don’t settle for someone who matches up with your temporary goals and mood. Find someone you connect with on a deep level and who you can be the most genuine version of yourself around. I promise you won’t regret it.
