Friendship is a part of life we are conditioned for since birth. It is the theme of children’s literature and television shows, as well as something encouraged by our elders from a young age. We are socialized into a world that we expect to be welcoming and friendly. However, something that we are not trained to deal with is the cycle of friendships, and the fact that some may end in hard feelings and failure. One minute, you may be best friends with someone, and the next, you are enemies. No, that conditioning unfortunately comes later in life, when we are left to sort through the feelings on our own.
The tricky part about friendship is that there are no formal guidelines. It isn’t like a romantic relationship where there is a typical flow of connection from “talking” to marriage with various stages in between. It's just a choice in life. It isn’t like a family relationship either, because we enter into it voluntarily. The lack of structure can make the friendship very confusing, and often difficult to navigate, mainly because friendships can be a choice made by sheer convenience or real connection, and the art is finding which the case is.
In this limbo land of friendship, struggles may arise. The waters will not always be smooth, and heartbreak is inevitable with someone at some point for some reason. Part of what makes the lack of formal structure of friendships difficult to navigate is that there is a large spectrum for what is acceptable. In romantic relationships it is uncommon (excluding extenuating circumstances) for partners to go weeks or months without talking. For friends, it may be a normal occurrence, in some cases even preferred. However, this lack of structure makes the friendship more susceptible to life’s unpredictable emotions.
Sometimes it works out differently from what you planned, and that’s OK. It is OK because life changes and our needs in relationships change. Friendships that end allow us to change and grow and experience new people and opinions, and as a result of that, we expand our world views. Sometimes, what we hold onto in friends has to do with comfort, and not context. The friendship may no longer be healthy for us.
What’s the good news after all that? New people are constantly crossing our paths. Each day is an opportunity to add a new addition to our lives. College is a time of transition for friendships. For those who go away to school, it is often a characterized by 24/7 socialization, usually in close quarters and generally with fewer responsibilities than our future years. However, in this time, you are also experiencing a great deal of personal growth and development that may change your views on life. With this change, friends you thought were close may fade and other friendships may grow stronger. This is what we figure out when we grow up.
Forgive yourself for changing. Let yourself grow and love who brings joy to your life. Remember that we meet people for a reason. That reason may be fleeting, but it remains a piece of your story.
