I never wanted to express my opinion or views in such a public way. It just wasn't they way I was raised. If I had something controversial to say then it was best to just not say. Why start an argument? What could be gained? I never felt, first off, that it was my place. But I am a woman. No matter what this topic affects me. But I feel a sort of overwhelming passion to share my thoughts on this extremely controversial topic. What is abortion? Is it murder? Is it selfishness? An act of pure love? No matter what we may concede, it breaks my heart and it brings me to tears. My whole life I grew up being told killing an unborn child is WRONG. But no one ever took the time to explain it to me. I was fed a series of pre-made concepts that involved no further explanations. No details. Thus I never questioned it, thinking that if it was that big of a deal to the elders who instilled in me these values then it didn't need an explanation.

Now I don't expect this piece to overwhelmingly change anyones attitudes. I don't expect it to give anyone mind altering thought processes. I merely wish to share my own thoughts and feelings toward an act that throws many into passionate throngs of feeling, or more plainly, controversy. Although, if by chance my experiences and thoughts give people something to think about then I wouldn't be mad about that either.

Slowly as I've grown in life I came to understand, not only the incredible sadness this world holds, but the incredible hypocrisy as well. I come from a family that overflows with cousins and I've never for one day thought of that as anything other than a gift. I have witnessed pregnancy on countless occasions, whether it was a family member or one of my best friends at age 17. I never once imagined I had a right to tell her what to do. The fact is, is that there are thousands of woman in our country as well as the world who suffer from poverty, limited medical care, and access to proper protection. Yet there are others who seek to tell these terrified women that they are murderers? When I was a senior in high school one of my best friends became pregnant. It took a few days even for the reality to sink into ME. I never thought something this life altering would happen to anyone in my life. My world was so sheltered up until that point that, in my innocent mind, those things just ended up happening to other people and as offensive as that may sound, it was just what I thought. But it gave me the something very serious to consider. What would I do in this position? Furthermore, what can I do to be of support to my friend? What can I tell her to help her toward a positive course of action? What even is the positive course of action? Now fast forward and for almost 4 years now an extremely beautiful little boy has graced us with himself and a year ago another one followed. I couldn't have imagined it turning out any other way.

It was, in fact, this occurrence though that truly shaped my opinions on abortion. It was the first time I stopped and faced the gravity of asking myself the question, "What would I do here?" In some ways I could relate to the terror some women go through when a something this huge and unexpected is weaved into your world. Thats what it is. A life altering thing that effects you to your very being. So who can blame a young girl, or any woman for that matter, for being desperate and terrified out of her mind, enough so that she considers an equally life altering operation? So it was then, that I personally decided that if I ever became pregnant before I was ready, I would give that baby something I didn't think I could. A stable life. I'd give that baby up for adoption. But I feel the need to further defend my choice by saying that even though that would be my choice as a broke 20 something young woman whose parents would help me in anyway they could, because there are many more women in many more dyer circumstances. Women who live on the street, women who live in households where if this sort of things happens they are out on their ass without a penny to their names, women who have diseases that will kill them if they give birth, or even women who know that their babies won't even have a chance at living a pain free life. The list goes on, on, on, and on. What ever your imagination can't think up, theres a good chance it's happened. There are women in this world that live hard, hostile lives. It is up to us to stand and be there with them. I say all this because as I, once again a 20 something woman of greater circumstance, know that I am lucky. Lucky enough to be able to stand up for what I believe in.

At this time in our country we are facing gigantic deficits when it comes to the debate of defunding women's services like Planned Parenthood. Our youth see their elders standing behind signs pleading women not kill their unborn babies and yet what are we providing in the way of safe and proper protection? What about educations, counseling? How can we sit here and wag our fingers at women who are terrified about an unplanned pregnancy and then turn around and take away the only thing that is also trying to be proactive about it?

There are just too many questions to be asked. To much information to be soaked in on either side. Please trust me when I say that I do not say or ask any of this lightly. I have watched countless videos and read countless articles from both sides of this argument. But what has really influenced me is the solid and almost absolute knowledge that we cannot have one without the other. We cannot have life without death and that is what no one will ever want to swallow.