Until the eighth grade, I was a very happy-go-lucky, somewhat outgoing, straight-A, 'did what I wanted but always followed the rules' type of girl. My mother, being a teacher, thought it would be a brilliant idea to place me in all-girls math and science classes at my public junior high school for two straight years. Little did she know, these classes would completely ruin my self confidence, image, and stability in every way. I finished every semester with solid B's, which was a major egotistical stab at my straight A streak. In addition, my life was full of snotty, petty, ridiculous, stupid girl drama that not only took place over the course of the entire school day, but also made its way to social media, resulting in cyber bullying. The drama I was allowing myself to be a part of diminished my friends list, and created another girl that I slowly molded myself into.

Ever since the drama of my eightth and ninth grade two-hour blocks of all girl classes every single day, I presented myself through a tough girl image, or at least tried to. I didn't take anyone's sh*t, and I learned how to be sneaky in order to call out liars and cheaters. I was constantly seeking to point out someone's flaws, when in reality I just couldn't accept my own. I was constantly on the look-out for anyone who was wrong, because I had to prove them right. I also had to be the best, so that meant kissing anybody's a** in order to reach the top. I built up some ginormous walls that didn't allow myself to let anybody in, because I assumed they were only trying to screw me over or take away this unseen authority I thought I held all power in. I was very territorial and possessive of my belongings, my friends that I made first, and anything that was initially mine. Over the years I grew into an insanely jealous, bitter, depressed, cold, and draining person. It may have taken me seven years to figure this out, but I am officially attempting to retire the tough girl act.

It really was all just an act. I feel that I am a way better person than I was back then. However, I still hold on to some qualities, but I usually blame it on the fact that I'm a Leo (sorry, I'm a sucker for astrology). For example, I still don't take anyone's sh*t. However, I am so much more understanding than I ever have been. I actually love listening more than talking. I like hearing other's points of views and where they are coming from. Over the years I've realized that a well-rounded person is an open-minded, intellectual one. I also still have my walls up. I'm a very picky person when it comes to who I allow myself to get close to. This is heavily effected in the dating realm of my life. It takes me awhile to open up to someone, but hey, maybe I just have super high standards and I'm not settling for any less than I believe I deserve.

I also never admitted to people how much they meant to me. I took that action as a sign of weakness and neediness, so my independent, stubborn, tough-girl self avoided feelings at all costs. I am now a firm believer in informing the ones you love, value, or cherish the most how much you actually do. Never in my ninth-grade mind would I ever admit to someone that I am grateful to have met them. I thought I only needed myself, and not to depend on others, so that was the mindset I was trying to stick with. I was so wrong. I am human, and guess what? All humans need love and affection in order to survive. The people I have encountered and allowed to be a part of my life have taught me the most, and I am so appreciative of all of them -- good or bad.

In the end, though, I'm honestly not tough at all, but I'm tough enough. I believe I have a good head on my shoulders, and have the intellectual capacity to decipher right from wrong. From letting my walls down just enough to let new people in my life, I have learned so much and I am so grateful to have crossed paths with them. I think it's time to hang up the metaphorical ripped up leather jacket I've been carrying on my back for a few years now.