I am the friend that can be silent for minutes or hours just listening and laughing about all the jokes my friends are telling. I am the friend that can be quiet without someone being concerned. I'm the friend that will blend in with the others. I am the friend that fears saying something that might offend others. I am the friend that won't say anything at all in fear that no one will find it funny. Actually, I used to be this friend, and I don't want to be that girl anymore.
Growing up, I was shy. School was difficult and I would rarely talk to my classmates, leaving school presentations in front of the entire class a nightmare. I had stage fright at my talent show in third grade, and in ninth grade I froze mid-speech and ran out of the room in tears knowing how much of a struggle it was to talk in front of large groups. I was afraid to speak up and speak out, so most of my opinions were left inside my head, and I preferred to avoid my anger.
After years of bottling everything up inside, I have finally realized that I can not live in the shadows of my friends. I no longer want to be the girl that doesn't contribute to conversations. I no longer want to pretend I don't have anything to say. I have realized that if I ever want to make it in this world I have to be me.
These past few months I have done a lot of thinking and have experienced countless new things. I realized that if I tried to get people to like me, I was never myself. This year taught me that sometimes the only thing holding me back is myself. If I stay a following, I will never be a leader. If i stay in the shadows, those in the dark won't ever get to see me shine. I realized that I can shine bright. I have realized that people like me when I'm myself. I have realized that I can make people laugh. But most importantly, I have realized that letting people go hurts, but in the end it made me the best person I could be. Letting go allowed me to fly free, and now I don't have any reason to hold myself back.
