Growing up people are always asking what your biggest fear and as time goes by it can range from snakes to bears to even something like heights. While I very much hate snakes and I know not to mess with bears those aren't what I would consider my biggest fears. I think my biggest fear has to be disappointing those closest to me. However, I can't tell that to people who are children because they might not understand it. How can you be afraid of something that is not physical? I do not know how it is possible to be afraid of something that just is something but I am. Even though I know other people have fears I am not sure if people have the same fear as I do.

I didn't think about this as a fear until maybe a month ago when my professor asked my class what our biggest fear was. I could have gone with almost any other answer but I felt disappointment seemed to fit the mold the best. In college every time I did bad on an exam or got rejected from anything I felt I was disappointing not only myself but the people I love. Even when I told them about the event they would still support me and tell me how well I was doing. With this support, my fear seemed to go away but it also felt like it would come back. In college, I changed my major twice and it was not until I was 21 that I found the major right for me. While I was told never to compare myself to others I couldn't help but attempt to.

While this may come off as a bit narcissistic I always considered myself intelligent. I did well in school and enjoyed learning but changing your major twice in the span of two years did not sit well with me. I was book smart but why wasn't I smart enough to figure out a problem. I kept comparing myself to others and I always needed a snap back to reality. There are so many things that go into disappointing others but I had to realize I was not disappointing anyone even if I thought I was letting myself down.

You might be wondering why am I so afraid of disappointment I have made it this far and I have the rest of my life to live. You're right I have made it this far but even though I have made it this far I still have times where I am scared and nervous. While you might see me in my current state which is pretty good getting to this point in my life didn't come with self-image problems. I didn't know who I wanted to be and along the way, I felt I was letting people down. My family is my biggest supporter and there were times that whenever something didn't go my way I thought about how I was letting them down.

I am 22 now and I am about to embark on the biggest journey of my life to make a name for myself. Even though I am about to enter the world I still have my doubts. Did I choose the right major? Is this the best career for me? Am I ready for a big city? My family has told me countless times how they are on my side and I love them so much for that but that is not why I fear disappointment I fear it because I do not know how other people will approach my family if they don't see me succeed. If there is one thing I have learned its that some people are going to be harsh and we have to deal with the backlash. I do not want my family to have to suffer the backlash for my mistakes. I fear disappointment for me but I fear it for my family and the terrible people who go out of their way to try to get under my family's skin.

We all have some form of disappointment but in the end, we need to understand that we are loved. I know that I might fear to disappoint others but I need to think about how I can make them proud. There are people who love me and want to see me succeed so it is up to me to do my best to make them happy for me.