I've Always Been Afraid Of Disappointment And Now I Know Why

I've Always Been Afraid Of Disappointment And Now I Know Why

My biggest fear is letting everyone down.

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Growing up people are always asking what your biggest fear and as time goes by it can range from snakes to bears to even something like heights. While I very much hate snakes and I know not to mess with bears those aren't what I would consider my biggest fears. I think my biggest fear has to be disappointing those closest to me. However, I can't tell that to people who are children because they might not understand it. How can you be afraid of something that is not physical? I do not know how it is possible to be afraid of something that just is something but I am. Even though I know other people have fears I am not sure if people have the same fear as I do.

I didn't think about this as a fear until maybe a month ago when my professor asked my class what our biggest fear was. I could have gone with almost any other answer but I felt disappointment seemed to fit the mold the best. In college every time I did bad on an exam or got rejected from anything I felt I was disappointing not only myself but the people I love. Even when I told them about the event they would still support me and tell me how well I was doing. With this support, my fear seemed to go away but it also felt like it would come back. In college, I changed my major twice and it was not until I was 21 that I found the major right for me. While I was told never to compare myself to others I couldn't help but attempt to.

While this may come off as a bit narcissistic I always considered myself intelligent. I did well in school and enjoyed learning but changing your major twice in the span of two years did not sit well with me. I was book smart but why wasn't I smart enough to figure out a problem. I kept comparing myself to others and I always needed a snap back to reality. There are so many things that go into disappointing others but I had to realize I was not disappointing anyone even if I thought I was letting myself down.

You might be wondering why am I so afraid of disappointment I have made it this far and I have the rest of my life to live. You're right I have made it this far but even though I have made it this far I still have times where I am scared and nervous. While you might see me in my current state which is pretty good getting to this point in my life didn't come with self-image problems. I didn't know who I wanted to be and along the way, I felt I was letting people down. My family is my biggest supporter and there were times that whenever something didn't go my way I thought about how I was letting them down.

I am 22 now and I am about to embark on the biggest journey of my life to make a name for myself. Even though I am about to enter the world I still have my doubts. Did I choose the right major? Is this the best career for me? Am I ready for a big city? My family has told me countless times how they are on my side and I love them so much for that but that is not why I fear disappointment I fear it because I do not know how other people will approach my family if they don't see me succeed. If there is one thing I have learned its that some people are going to be harsh and we have to deal with the backlash. I do not want my family to have to suffer the backlash for my mistakes. I fear disappointment for me but I fear it for my family and the terrible people who go out of their way to try to get under my family's skin.

We all have some form of disappointment but in the end, we need to understand that we are loved. I know that I might fear to disappoint others but I need to think about how I can make them proud. There are people who love me and want to see me succeed so it is up to me to do my best to make them happy for me.

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won't see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won't laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won't go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They'll miss you. They'll cry.

You won't fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won't get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won't be there to wipe away your mother's tears when she finds out that you're gone.

You won't be able to hug the ones that love you while they're waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won't be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won't find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won't celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won't turn another year older.

You will never see the places you've always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You'll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it's not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don't let today be the end.

You don't have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It's not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I'm sure you're no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won't do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you'll be fine." Because when they aren't, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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CBD Oil: What Is It And What Are The Different Benefits?

CBD is a natural approach to traditional medicine, and it contains healing properties.

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The fascination with CBD has grown rapidly within the last year, and even within the last few months. This cannabis-like product has people interested because there are so many questions associated with it. People want to know if it's legal, if it's safe, or if it gets you high. To put it simply, CBD is known as cannabinoids, which possesses calm and tranquil properties. It does not have the psychoactive element, THC, that is normally found in marijuana. Instead, it is made from extracting CBD (cannabinoids) from the cannabis plant, and then turning it into CBD oil. It is now sold at places such as smoke shops and convenience stores. But what is so great about this anti-anxiety oil?

Most people who seek about CBD are doing so to help them relax or ease their pain. It is commonly seen in cancer treatments and for muscle recovery post-workout. It also helps with issues such as epilepsy, depression, acne, and anxiety. My dad, for example, uses a CBD lotion for his shoulder and back pain. He first heard about CBD oil through my aunt, who likes to put a few drops on her tongue daily. Ingesting it orally is, according to the smoke shop employee, beneficial for overall health. So if one is dealing with depression or anxiety, it's best to eat/drink CBD. For someone with pain in a specific spot, like my dad's shoulder pain, should look for a topical cream or something that is more direct. There are other ways to consume CBD besides tongue drops and lotion. On the market, there are different varieties of CBD gummies, such as gummy worms and sour patch. I've also seen it in oil cartridges or infused in water. In order to purchase CBD legally, you must be older than 18.

Last week my college had a venue where the School of Entrepreneurship students sold their products on campus. There were tents of all their student-run companies, and I enjoyed supporting local businesses. When I was there I bought an organic fudge brownie with 20mg of CBD (for only $5). I decided to workout and then take a bath, and eat the brownie right before the bath. It made my mental state feel very calm and it was relaxing after hitting the gym. I have also tried CBD gummy bears which taste pretty normal and those are also full-body calming effects. I am a fan of CBD and wish that is was less expensive and had easier access. It's great for college students who constantly feel the stress/pressure of their future. There are also a countless amount of celebrities who advocate for CBD. Some actors who heavily support the use of CBD are Seth Rogen, Morgan Freeman, and Tom Hanks.

Actor Seth Rogen started his own nonprofit, called Hilarity for Charity, that combats Alzheimer's. Rogen is large cannabis and CBD user, and he believes that CBD can help with Alzheimer's disease. He is an advocate for CBD law for medicinal purposes and believes that is can help with the symptoms. On Twitter, someone told Rogen that they had "restless leg" and he replied by saying "Try some CBD."

Another celebrity who has benefitted from CBD is none other than Morgan Freeman. After a 2008 car crash and developing intense fibromyalgia, Freeman decided to look into CBD treatment to help with his muscle pain. Now, he is an advocate for both cannabis and CBD because he has experienced the healing properties. Freeman believes in plant-based medicine because it is the more natural route.

Tom Hanks is one of the largest celebrities who has been an advocate for CBD. He developed type 2 diabetes over the years from stress and poor diet; Hank recently teamed up with a Cornell University student to study the medicinal properties of CBD for type 2 diabetes. He also enjoys it for the benefits of reducing anxiety and joint pain. Tom Hanks put it best when he said, "the benefits of CBD oil are unlike anything any pill or medication can do."

The following article has demonstrated all the different benefits that CBD oil has to offer. It is a more natural and holistic approach to traditional pharmaceutical medicine. I hope that in the next few years, cannabinoids become more popularized and the stigma behind cannabis medicine is dropped.

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