Why I Didn't Vote and Felt Anxious About Speaking My Truth
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Why I Didn't Vote and Felt Anxious About Speaking My Truth

I thought about lying and telling everyone I voted, because I would rather lie than feel anxious and scrutinized for exercising my freedom to not vote. All I feel is anxiety, guilt, and aggressive social media telling me I need to vote.

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Why I Didn't Vote and Felt Anxious About Speaking My Truth
Jamie McVicker

Jesus Christ, I feel so anxious even typing this. I'm sorry if you're disappointed for some reason. I wish the reaction when I tell people I didn't vote would be, "dang Maria, what's going on, why didn't you vote? Is there anything I can do to help? Do you feel helpless?", instead of the usual hateful negative reaction. I told one of my closest friend that I didn't vote, and she freaked; which kind of set the tone for me. I knew her reaction is just what many others may react, and I'm so drained from this election can these next couple of weeks please be over.

I'm not sure who needs to hear this, but it's okay if you didn't vote. Yes, a lot of people have fought for us to be able to vote, and by creating this freedom, part of that freedom is also living in a country in which you don't have to do anything you don't want to, and The USA is one of those few places. 4 years ago, I was in Jordan, where people were "allowed" to vote, but the moment they walked into the room where they could vote, it was a room filled with men staring you down. They didn't point a gun to your head, but the way in which they were staring at you while women voted, they might as well have.

I am aware of how important it is to vote, and with knowing that I decided to not vote. There are many parts as to why I'm not voting. I don't feel attached to any candidate, I am not well informed (I did not do my research and I didn't look into each candidate enough, and I know that the ballot has more than just voting for a president), I feel helpless and distrust our system because Hilary won the popular vote 4 years ago, yet Trump won the electoral vote, and honestly I just feel like I'm being forced to chose because everyone else is posting about it!

I feel like I can't be alone with my thoughts and think about this election because I'm constantly bombarded by fake news and I have no idea what sources to trust, like researching this candidacy shouldn't feel like I'm jumping through hoops that are lit on fire!

1. I'm too Liberal for the Conservatives and too Conservative for the Liberals

I said what I said. All jokes aside, I am way too conservative for the liberals and too liberal for the conservatives. Abortion? I believe people have the right to do whatever, would I? Hmmm not sure. I believe in affirmative action, and conversely I also believe in the death penalty, only if t's 100% accurate. I believe in competitive capitalism, but with government regulation, especially for environmental regulations and monopolies. I believe in the right to bear arms, and free health care. I can honestly keep going all day. While I have some liberal beliefs in some, I have conservative beliefs in others. I consider myself to be in the middle, because socially I'm liberal and economically I am more conservative. Because of this, I feel like neither candidate really represents my beliefs. I feel like they are either crazy conservative or too liberal.

I literally feel like my head is spinning just thinking about this. I feel so attacked and pressure to vote, but I genuinely feel like I can't vote because I don't believe in the choices that I am given!!!!

2. I am not well informed

If I'm being honest, this entire election was making me anxious, and I put off informing myself, and voting day sneaked up on me. I feel like any moment I tried to look anything up, the advertising was so aggressive that I felt extremely anxious and would just close my computer.

I felt like I couldn't read anything without feeling like I was being fed lies. I do know that both candidates have faced accusations of sexual harassment, so then that's another thing that's adding to my headache. All I know is that Trump is out here on social media saying some crazy shit, and just because he's clearly unhinged doesn't mean I get to give my vote to the less crazy one.

Like what the fuck am I even voting for? Does anyone know what we're even voting for? Because it seems like if you're prejudice you're voting for Trump, and if you're not you're voting for Biden.

I recently learned the difference between racism and prejudice. There is a big fat difference and they are not the same thing. Our generation likes to use it interchangeably, but we need to stop.

I know I'm not racist, but I am prejudice, we all are, it's the actual foundation of our culture to be prejudice against people that are not like us. So does voting for Biden prove that people are not prejudice? I'm pretty sure you can be prejudice and vote for Biden. I admit it, I am not well informed, and because I feel like I don't know enough I am not going to vote. I am not voting with having half-ass information about my candidates.

3. I feel like I'm being told what to do and feel like I can't trust my own intuition

I am just so fucking tired yo. The way I usually navigate my daily life is by processing information and listening to my intuition. Since the election I feel like I can't do that. The more information I try to consume the more confuse I feel. I try t talk about it, and I just feel shut down by everyone around me. people make me feel stupid or are so ready to assume that I'm a Trump supporter because I'm not jumping to vote for Biden.

I feel so drained, and my mind if so clouded by so much information I feel like I can't process what my own opinions are because everyone is constantly telling me how I should feel and who I should vote for, because if I don't people are going to harass me.

4. It's dividing everyone I love

I saw this and it hit so deep. The other day I looked to see who followed Trump on Insta and it fucking ruined my whole day. I felt like my heart sunk to my butt and I wanted to die in a hole. I felt ill. If you support Trump are you secretly racists? I feel like it's hard to believe it's not true, because why else would you stand by someone that says half the shit he says about minorities, women, and so forth?

I feel like it comes down to people working out their own shit. If they want to lie and pretend they aren't racist and a trump supporter, that's on them. That's their journey, they need to figure that out. When someone is in denial, yelling at them is not going to change them. And that's exactly how I feel. I may not see how I'm wrong right now, but having people yelling at me and being so rude for not voting is not going to change that in me, if anything; it's going to make me resent all of you hoes.

5. I just want to yell: It's my fucking choice yo!!

Why do you care? What if I'm completely and entire wrong and I should have voted, what is it to you? Why can't I be different from you? I am allowed to feel this confusion, these are my emotions and I won't allow anyone to make me feel ashamed more than I already feel. I get it, it's bad, I should have voted, do you want a "I'm sorry"?, because I'm not really sorry. Even if I had the chance to vote, I wouldn't because I feel hella conflicted. I hope that the older I get the more clear this whole voting thing will become, until then, I am allowed my experiences and choices without feeling scared and feel the need to lie, because otherwise people are literally going to freak out.

6. I feel guilt trip to vote for Biden

You're telling me that my only options are between a dude that tweets crazy shit, or a dude that has voted for the invasions of Iraq and is not disclosing a detailed plan of how he is planning to make his promises.... I guess the crazy creepy dude tweeting is worse, but just because he is the worse of the two doesn't mean I should vote for either.

Like the debate really needed a mute button, because Trump couldn't stop interrupting... like what more are we allowing him to get away with? I may be naive, but if some dude is going to be our leader, he should be able to keep his mouth shut for 2 minutes and have some fucking self discipline to allow someone else to speak.

I am the same person that believes the American flag should be allowed to be burned, because the whole point of having freedom is to be able to do whatever the fuck I want as long as I am not hurting others, and as far as I know, by not voting I am not murdering people. I know for a damn fact, I am not the only person that feels this way, but I do know that I am, again, in the minority and speaking up on it, although to be fair I am shaking as I am writing this.

7. My own mother voted for Trump...

Dude, I don't even know where to start with this. I am angry, I am sad, I want to scream. The fact that people can rationalize Trump's behavior and vulgar sayings simply because "he is a good business man" make me want to throw up. So now we are allowing people to say anything without accountability because they're able to generate revenue? Great, fucking great. If anything, this is showing how American's only care about one thing: money.

Our culture is literally obsessed with wealth. If you ever question it, just look at the Kardashian's. The fact that one of their cars could be able to feed an entire neighborhood is fucking nuts. It comes down to people looking the other way and ignoring his behavior and saying he's just a creepy old white dude, because he grew up in a generation when women weren't worth shit, and we still aren't. By ignoring what he says, we are choosing to allow this type of behavior.

I just want to cry and scream. I love the people I love no matter who they vote for, and I'm just so exhausted, I want the next couple of weeks to fly by. The fact that my thrifting account hashtags has been put on pause because of this election is nuts.

If you're still feeling anxious try to do things that will make you feel better. I listened to the Portal Podcast and it helped me.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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