Sometimes trends come and go, and we all like to follow them. One year, boho chic long hair is in, and sometimes Ombre, and then bleached tips with color added, but one thing no one tells you is how beautiful short hair can be. I know we all see it on celebrities, but the question posed from long to short is "Why did you do it?"...Now, for myself and cutting my hair, I'm not talking about a pixie cut (sadly my face is far too round for that), but I'm talking from growing it out for over 1.5 years and then cutting it. I hated cutting my hair, but I had to do it.
The back story: So basically I started seeing this guy, his name for privacy reasons will beeeee….Jones? So, Jones and I had been seeing each other off and on- he lived in the city and I was in a smaller town finishing (and still am) my undergrad. Jones would time after time tell me how much he liked my long hair, and it was one of his favorite things about my face. Not only did this 1. This hurt my esteem as he found my hair more attractive than any emotional quality, but he made it seem like long hair was the "alpha" length. Jones would point out girls with too short of hair-cuts or styles, and tell me how he thought all girls should have long hair, because its how "women should have their hair", and that "short hair was for the masculine type". Now I have a ton of problems with that. 1. Why does long hair show my femininity (or anyone's) to a degree that is the only way to be attractive 2. Why are you speaking down to my intelligence, hobbies or interests to a degree that my long brown locks were the "center piece" of my attraction?
So, as time went on, Jones stopped calling me, would make up any excuse(s) to not come to town to see me that weekend, and would sometimes come to my area to see his friends, and not even tell me he was here. Now, that's fine, but it gave me a trust issue and a sense I wasn't worth anything but my long brown hair, pouring from my scalp.
So, I called him one night, and he "ended it". But the funny thing was, there was nothing really to "end". It was a sad excuse of a courtship, a casual dating exchange or "relationship". He abused me verbally constantly, would only hold my hand in the dark, would always leave parties or the bar I invited him to that weekend to go see "some of his buddies down the street" (which I later find out, is his "best friend's ex-girlfriend….great guy huh?)
Torn up, "heart-broken" and totally confused I didn't have one clue of what to do…so I called my best friends, did the whole listen to sad music for a day thing, and then honestly just simply got over it. BUT, there was one little thing that kept me from distracting myself from him; my long hair. So, one day at Target I saw that a pair of hair clippers were on ~sale~, and impulsively purchased them, as well as my entire cart full of unnecessary items. I got home, turned on my favorite mix tape and just started to cut….I looked up those YouTube tutorial videos, that tell you to place your hair in pigtails, and cut from where the tie is, but there was still more length I needed to cut, more emotions I needed to release and extended images of him touching my locks left to destroy. I kept going, until it hit my collarbone length; and I LOVED IT. I felt free, I felt like myself and I finally let go of something he always placed upon me; "my image". To Jones, my image was the only thing going for me, and something that not only broke my esteem but broke me as a whole.
I cut it all off, flushed my hair (which was a mistake I later learned as my toilet overflowed lol), and took back ME. So, this isn't a story to encourage you to cut your hair because a boy complimented it, but it is to know your own worth, and that sometimes being "in love" is not always about the materialistic things. It's not about how good you look with long, short or no hair, it's about being seen. Seen for who you want, and being seen for you really are.
Jones then texted me a few months later, after I posted a few Instagram selfies (of course) of my new do, and complimented the "boldness" of it (which lol what the **** does that mean sir?) Jones also tried to set me up with one of his teammates, but I was (and still am) happily in a partnership with an amazing person, who doesn't love me just for my hair and looks at me deeper than my face, skin and bones. He sees me for my intelligence, my heart and my core values. Sometimes hair is just hair, but the way he propelled it as the only thing going for me, next to the parts of my body I exposed to him within our partnership, made me feel useless. It made me feel like the extent to which I curled, straightened or styled it was the E P I T O M E of my existence.
Be Kind, Be Smart and Be Wise. Be Aware.