You walk back into your house after a long hard semester and something just doesn't feel right. Nothing major has changed. Maybe your dad bought a new grill or your mom rearranged the living room. Other than small changes like that, everything is the same. But why does it feel so different?
Going to college is starting over. You're in a new town, with new people, doing new things. Except for those random kids from your high school who you occasionally see on campus, no one knows anything about you. It’s the time and place where you can become a whole new person.
Going home for the first time is something you never forget. You drive back on the same roads you used to spend so much time causing trouble on. You think about all the memories you made with all of your old friends and realize that you have no idea how some of them are doing anymore. You turn on your road and everything is the same as it was when you left it. That dog is still barking at every car that drives by. Those kids are still playing football in the yard. Your neighbors still wave at you when you pass. It’s like nothing has changed since the day you left except the color of the leaves on the trees.
Your closet is filled with old clothes you used to wear and there are posters of bands you used to listen to on your wall. Who knows when the last time you listened to that album was. You look around and wonder if you really used to like all of these things that surround you and thank God that you don’t anymore.
Seeing old friends is different, too. People you used to have so much in common with now feel like strangers. It’s especially unsettling when you're reunited with people who never left your hometown after high school. They sound like broken records when they smile and talk about their unchanged lives. You're just not on the same page anymore. In most cases, you aren't even reading the same book.
For me, home is where I love and am loved. Whether that be surrounded by my friends in my apartment or hours away in my hometown with my family. The only thing that makes home feel like home to me anymore is being around my family. No matter how much times passes and how much changes, they will always be unconditional. There’s something beautiful about how even though you're not the same person you used to be, you are still loved by your family.
Realizing that there is a bigger world out there than the end of your street is something incredible. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I had never made the decision to leave.
There comes a point when you have to realize that just because it doesn't feel like home anymore, doesn't mean it isn’t. Sometimes, it’s nice to get away from the crazy world of college and go home for the weekend. You have to appreciate for what it is. When nothing else in your life is stable, your home will always be there for you with open arms.
