I really don't want to do this, I don't want to end it. I don't want to have regrets if I leave, because if I do, then the situation changes, I will be happy again. Maybe this person will change. Maybe it isn't always like this. I don't want to create a new life. I love this person, I can't leave them. They need me.
Choosing to walk away or fight harder is one of the hardest choices. With letting go, you can move on, see past these issues once presented to you, and create a new life for yourself. With holding on, you don't have to change, you stay comfortable in the pain you are in, you don't have to face moving away or moving on, because this is what you are used to. You want to stay because you feel like you are not worthy of anything else, you feel as though this is what you deserve. We accept the love we think we deserve.
Humans create everyday habits that we are not even conscious of. To add, when we love someone, we see beyond their flaws and when we are asked why we stay, we answer with, "Because I love them." We see beyond the manipulation, the name calling, the abuse, the arguments, etc. We stay because we simply love them, and we don't want to be without them. Humans also have a very high mindset for hope that people will change, and when they tell us they will, we believe them. This eventually leads to constant disappointment and aggravation, but we stay because we love them.
Holding on vs letting go also plays a large part in self confidence. A personal example for me is the people I used to date. I was stuck several times talking to guys that looking back now, were not worth my time. But I continued to hold on because I thought it would change. I didn't think it would last. I thought I could be that person to help them. Then I realized, you can always lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. I am very glad I was able to let go and see my true worth, because now I am with a man who never ceases to amaze me and loves me everyday without hesitation.
When we see women or men who are stuck in abusive relationships, our immediate reaction is to always tell them, "just leave, stop talking to them, you don't deserve that." The thing with people is it is so easy for us to judge, it is so easy for us to tell someone something and think they will do it. We have no idea how it feels to walk in their shoes, so please stop trying to tie their laces. If you ever find a close friend of yours having a hard time letting go, be patient. This is not an overnight process, it is not easy. Offer support and the proper help she/he may need. Never ever get mad or annoyed, they need you to be there for them, so the last thing you should bring to their table is judgment.
Social Media is not allowing you to let go, and may make it even harder. Watching his/her page on social media everyday is not allowing your brain to move on. It is obsessive, it is controlling, it makes you hold on the last bit of hope that this person is not completely out of your life. The hardest thing to do is block and move on, but trust me, in the end, you will be thankful you did. When you are constantly checking their page, it makes you sad. It makes you defeated. Why didn't I stay? Why didn't this person love me, why aren't they hurting the way I am? That is because you are hurting yourself. Beating yourself up staring everyday and checking in on someone that no longer deserves you. Block, delete, move on. If you feel as though you cannot, have a friend do it for you, it will be a lot less painful for you this way to have this support.
Letting go takes time, please be patient with yourself. Letting go does not happen in a few days, months, and sadly, may even take years. But let's ignore the timeline, let's focus on you and your mentality. You are in control of your own life, your own emotions, your own happiness, no one else can do that for you. This is all your responsibility. Baby steps are key to trying to let go, but do not do this with cold feet. This will send your brain into shock and you may suffer from depression and/or anger if you cannot cope with this loss. Simply start by doing small things. Maybe taking the day to yourself, skipping a week from social media, taking a walk and ignoring everyone around you, maybe even write all of your feelings down. Last but not least, speak out to your friends/family!!! This is vital. You need to focus on the people who love you and have support to offer. You do not want to go through this all alone, so ask for advice and support, you will be surprised with how many people care for you.
To wrap up, holding on will always be easier than letting go. Letting go is a very hard decision to make, but always remember it is for your best interest. Do what is best for you, you are in charge of your own destiny. Focus on your well being and happiness, the rest will fall into place. I am always here if needed.
If you ever find yourself stuck in a bad situation or you are in trouble, do not hesitate to reach the nearest hotline or call for help.
Love Always, Mel.
