Why 'Forever Together' Does Not Always Mean 'Together Forever'

Why 'Forever Together' Does Not Always Mean 'Together Forever'

The truth behind unconditionals.

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I live my life trying to follow through with every promise I have made to people that take up a good chunk of real estate in my world. But, of course, every pact I have made with my best friends in all my twenty years of friendships have usually included a "we will be best friends forever and be in each other's weddings." Obviously eight-year-old Karen did not realize that the next 10-15 years would be the most dramatic, character shaping, and ambiguous years of her life. Every vow I took with boyfriends, either with romantic intentions or simply dating for companionship, had a component of longevity. A spoken shared hope that we would be in each other's lives, like time stood still as we made our pinky promises.

My pinky promises do not have an expiration date. Of course I am speaking metaphorically, relating the hopes and dreams of reciprocated oaths to a symbolic hook of two pinky fingers. I have sworn to many "forever togethers," but it was not until later that I realized it did not mean that I would be with the person physically and in the same situational state. Days turn into weeks, turn into years, but I am still there in the way I intended to. I might be a phone call away instead of a five minute walk, or a facetime call that replaces the absence of late night soul food/soul talk runs. I had to make peace with the fact that I could not fulfill my genie-in-a-bottle wish of freezing time and realize that just like literally everything in life, relationships evolve. People grow in different directions, bloom amongst people you have nothing in common with, and explore unfamiliar territories.

I am sure it sounds like I am the epitome of a "people pleaser," however, I would like to think that I am quite the opposite. I am not lamenting the fact that I cannot make everyone happy or scared that my broken promises will be the end of my purpose. I am discovering the way I can selfishly preserve my demand for intimate human relationships and hold on to the people I deem worthy to keep my world spinning and in balance.

I do not want to live my life unattached to best friends, or unable or unwilling to give my VIPs real estate in my life, but I have come to realize that I can keep my promise, just in a different way. I have people in my life that could be my bridesmaids and my forever togethers, we have shared dreams of togethers and exchanged words of forevers, but for now, I think I will stick to making pinky promises.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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Being The Last Friend To Turn 21 Isn't ALL Bad

All your friends have turned 21, but that is okay

Cassidy
Cassidy
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You may think being the last one out of your friend group to turn twenty-one is the worst thing in the world, but in all honesty, it doesn't have to be. One of the biggest perks is that everyone of your friends can go out to the bars with you on your birthday. All the people who turn twenty-one first have to wait for people to be able to go out with them, but you get to celebrate your birthday with all of your friends.

Another huge reason you should feel okay with being last to turn twenty-one is thinking about all the money you are saving. The bars are expensive. When you don't go to the bars you are saving so much money because an average bar drink is about seven dollars. This being said seven dollars multiple times a night, multiple nights a week really adds up, so you are going to have to budget your money better.

You don't have to be the one to buy alcohol for everyone else. Having a ton of people ask you to buy them alcohol must get annoying at a point, and if you're the youngest out of your friends, no one will be asking you to do liquor store runs for them because they can all go already for themselves.

The biggest reason is that you can enjoy being young. You should still continue to enjoy going to house parties and just being able to hang out with friends without having to go to the bars. Spend these months before you turn twenty-one just being able to enjoy life without feeling obligated to go out to the bars all the time. You have a great excuse when you don't want to drink on a weekday to just stay in. This being said it will be your turn to turn twenty-one soon.

Cassidy
Cassidy

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