Why 'Forever Together' Does Not Always Mean 'Together Forever'

Why 'Forever Together' Does Not Always Mean 'Together Forever'

The truth behind unconditionals.

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I live my life trying to follow through with every promise I have made to people that take up a good chunk of real estate in my world. But, of course, every pact I have made with my best friends in all my twenty years of friendships have usually included a "we will be best friends forever and be in each other's weddings." Obviously eight-year-old Karen did not realize that the next 10-15 years would be the most dramatic, character shaping, and ambiguous years of her life. Every vow I took with boyfriends, either with romantic intentions or simply dating for companionship, had a component of longevity. A spoken shared hope that we would be in each other's lives, like time stood still as we made our pinky promises.

My pinky promises do not have an expiration date. Of course I am speaking metaphorically, relating the hopes and dreams of reciprocated oaths to a symbolic hook of two pinky fingers. I have sworn to many "forever togethers," but it was not until later that I realized it did not mean that I would be with the person physically and in the same situational state. Days turn into weeks, turn into years, but I am still there in the way I intended to. I might be a phone call away instead of a five minute walk, or a facetime call that replaces the absence of late night soul food/soul talk runs. I had to make peace with the fact that I could not fulfill my genie-in-a-bottle wish of freezing time and realize that just like literally everything in life, relationships evolve. People grow in different directions, bloom amongst people you have nothing in common with, and explore unfamiliar territories.

I am sure it sounds like I am the epitome of a "people pleaser," however, I would like to think that I am quite the opposite. I am not lamenting the fact that I cannot make everyone happy or scared that my broken promises will be the end of my purpose. I am discovering the way I can selfishly preserve my demand for intimate human relationships and hold on to the people I deem worthy to keep my world spinning and in balance.

I do not want to live my life unattached to best friends, or unable or unwilling to give my VIPs real estate in my life, but I have come to realize that I can keep my promise, just in a different way. I have people in my life that could be my bridesmaids and my forever togethers, we have shared dreams of togethers and exchanged words of forevers, but for now, I think I will stick to making pinky promises.

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An Open Letter To My Unexpected Best Friend

You came out of nowhere and changed my life for the better.
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“It's so amazing when someone comes to your life and you expect nothing out of it, but suddenly, there right in front of you is everything you ever need."

-Unknown

Dear Unexpected Best Friend,

You were the person I never thought I would speak to and now you are my very best friend. You came out of nowhere and changed my life for the better. I can't thank you enough for everything you have done to shape me into the person I am today. You've taught me what it means to be selfless, caring, patient, and, more importantly, adventurous.

You don't realize how much better my life has become and all because you came out of nowhere. I didn't see you coming. I just saw you on occasion, and now I can't see my life without you in it. It's funny how life works itself out like that. Our unexpected friendship filled a hole in my life that I didn't know existed.

I don't even remember what life was like before you came along; it most likely had a lot less laughter and spontaneity than it does today. I can call you about anything and you would drop whatever you're doing to help me in any situation. You know when I need encouragement. You know when I am at my best and when I am at my worst. You always know exactly what to say.

SEE ALSO: 8 Tiny Lies Every Young Woman Has Told Their Best Friend

I couldn't have found a better friend than you if I tried. We balance each other out in the best way possible. You are most definitely the yin to my yang, and I don't care how cliché that sounds. Because of you, I've learned to stop caring what people think and to do my own thing regardless of any backlash I might receive. You are my very favorite part of what makes me who I am to this day.

It's as if I wished up a best friend, and poof — you appeared right in front of me. I am so beyond blessed to have you and I wouldn't trade the world for all our memories. Thanks for coming out of nowhere.

Love you forever and a day.

Cover Image Credit: Lauren Medders

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Four Quarters Will Always Be Better Than Ten Dimes, And I'm Not Talking About Spare Change

Quality over quantity any damn day.

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"You would rather have four quarters than 10 dimes, 20 nickels, or 100 pennies," is a phrase that at first glance would seem to just be about money. But it actually contains a deeper meaning that could definitely serve as good advice when it comes to the friendships you have in your life.

As an ambivert, I have always found myself happier when I surrounded myself with a large group of friends. It gives you a sense of belonging, something that is a proven innate human desire. Having large groups can be fun, but they also equally have the chance of being toxic for you. There's no point in surrounding yourself with individuals if, at the end of the day, they don't make you happy. Often times you'll hang out with people just because you crave company, but not THEIR company. There is a very important distinction.

Don't let your loneliness or your desire for more friends allow you to be consumed into toxic friendships. Because I have been there and done that. Many times. It's not a fun experience. It took me time to learn, but I have learned the valuable lesson of less being more. When you eliminate extraneous beings from your life, you have more time to focus on your more important relationships and the most crucial one of all, the one you have with yourself.

I am very blessed to say that people that I am close to in my life genuinely care for me and my happiness because this was not always the case. It takes a lot of trial and error, and also greatly impacts your mental health, but finding the right friend group for you is definitely life-changing.

Choose your friends wisely, you don't want a wallet full of useless change.

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