Whenever I heard my mom say the words "family party" when I was younger, I became extremely excited. I loved hopping in the car, and driving to a place I didn't usually go to, and seeing people I hadn't seen in months. My younger brother and I would help bring in any snacks we took with us. Then, we'd run inside where we would be greeted with a bunch of smiles. We'd get hugs and kisses from our aunts. We'd shake hands with our uncles. I'd see some of my cousins and they're cousins running around outside and playing in the pool. And an hour after the party started, my favorite people would arrive: the LaRosas, which consisted of my aunt Violette and my three cousins April, Audrey, and Alyssa. After a whirlwind of swimming, laughing, playing piano, and eating hotdogs and hamburgers, it was finally time to go home. We'd give everyone hugs, kisses, and handshakes, and then we'd be off. Remembering family parties from years ago brings back all of those happy feelings.

But now I've gotten older, and things have changed.

My personality changed a lot with age: a once happy, over excited kid became an introverted, depressed teenager riddled with anxiety. If you know anything about these traits, you can probably imagine that family parties would be a nightmare.

I would be forced to interact with people I hadn't seen in what felt like forever. There would people there who seemed unfamiliar to me alone (I didn't know them, though everyone else did). Then there were others who would remember me, despite my not remembering them. Everyone would ask me about life, school, boyfriends, and plans for college.

But I didn't want to talk about any of that. I didn't want to talk at all. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to go home and hide up in my room. I couldn't handle the amount of interaction I was having: it wore me out. There were times when I would cling to my mother, try to tell her I wanted to leave.

To make matters worse, after the adults were finished talking to me, I would have no one to talk to. I'd look at my cousins hanging out with their other cousins and realized we didn't really know each other. I felt so out of place with them. My cousins lived in the town next to us, went to different schools, had different friends, went to church, and played a lot of sports. I wasn't athletic. I actually hate sports. So, I wouldn't know how to start a conversation with them or their cousins. I felt way too nervous to even think about it. I would just kind of hung around awkwardly and waited for someone to say something.

Throughout all this, I did have one saving grace, though: LaRosas literally saved me from myself at family parties. I saw them all the time when I was little. April, Audrey, and Alyssa were like sisters to me. Whenever they arrived at the family party, late of course, they would immediately gravitate towards me. It was wonderful having them around because I wouldn't feel left out. I would listen to them talk and make jokes. I wouldn't feel pressured to say anything, and I could just laugh at what they were saying.

And they're still my saving grace today. Even though I've been able to get help for my anxiety and depression, it's still difficult when I go to family parties; they are the worst now that I'm older. I still dread going to them. I still get worn out. I still feel out of place. But I know that I will always have the LaRosas by my side. With them, I don't have to feel alone or out of place.