You're having lunch with your friends one day when you hear your friend groan and say "Oh my god, he's texting me again and wants to know where I am. Now he's calling me!" Immediately, you understand exactly who she is referring to and the seriousness of the situation, but your guy friend asks, "The same guy you complain about all the time? Why don't you just tell him to leave you alone?" Next thing you know, he walks into the same building that you're in, eyes searching the room as if he's looking for someone. Is it a coincidence, or does he still have the copy of your friend's schedule she sent him last month before she realized how clingy he was? Your friend tries to hide behind you because you both know that if he sees her, he will invite himself to intrude in your conversation like last time, but they make direct eye contact and it's game over.

Now this is a common scenario, one that I've experienced numerous times since I've started college. The problem is that each time I've experienced this, the question "why don't you just tell him to leave you alone?" has gone unanswered. The lack of honesty from the girl in this position is the reason that boys have convinced themselves that girls who complain about persistent guys secretly like the attention that they are getting. The concepts of "friend zoning" and "playing hard to get" have formed because girls have remained silent for too long. It's time to explain why simply saying "I'm not interested" would do more harm than good.

Girls constantly feel uncomfortable on their own campuses, afraid of seeing the "clingy guy" around every corner, but they prefer this game of hide-and-seek over rejecting the boy outright. Why, you ask? Because a girl who expresses her lack of interest is setting herself up for a long and painful confrontation that includes phrases that she has no interest in hearing, including "I'm not like other guys" and "I deserve a chance." The persistent boy has convinced himself that if he says the right thing, he will be able to change her mind; he believes that manipulating her the right way will gain him the reward he has been hoping for. It's the universal truth that when a persistent boy gets rejected, the girl is expected to hold his hand and walk him through the entire rejection process. She is forced to provide an explanation that he is willing to accept, nurse his bruised ego back to health, and provide step-by-step comfort for rejecting interest that she never asked for.

During the rejection process, the girl must listen to the persistent boy talk about how he "deserves a chance." This, however, is a concept formed by years of misogynistic thinking; the idea that he deserves a chance to plead his case on why he deserves her affection puts an unwanted burden on the girl's shoulders. She receives long paragraph messages explaining how the boy is a self-identified "nice guy," but how can someone who completely disregards the feelings of a girl he claims to care about be considered a nice guy? When the boy asks for a reason for the lack of interest rather than simply accepting that the feeling is not mutual, he is implying that a simple "no" is not a valid explanation on its own. When he asks if there is "someone else," he is suggesting that the presence of another man in the equation somehow alters the validity of the end result.

Girls who are put in this kind of lose-lose situation think that there are only two options: they can either openly reject the boy's advances and be labeled a "tease" despite having never displayed any interest, or they can struggle to maintain a safe distance while dealing with unwanted attention and advances that negatively impact their daily lives. If you're a girl who has been in such a situation in the past or if you are struggling now, it's important to remember that your safety and security matter more than the ego and pride of any individual; you are allowed to express how you feel honestly without fear of sanctioning or backlash. It's also important to acknowledge that not every boy that comes off as clingy is intentionally acting in a persistent or predatory manner, but rather misinterprets social cues; in these cases especially, openly expressing your limits and comfort zones can be the solution. Expressing your true feelings when dealing with such situations can allow you to feel more comfortable in your daily social interactions. It's time to place the responsibility where it truly belongs, and it's time to stop coddling men who think that their emotional state is the burden of a woman to bear.