This might just be me, but lately I’ve had minimal emotion about everything. Accomplishing something you’ve been working towards should give you a sense of pride, but recently after acquiring a very high GPA in my 17 credit second semester of college I kind of just was like “okay, that’s pretty good.” When really I should’ve been like, “Wow I did work really hard this semester, I deserve this nice boost. I'm so proud of myself!!” I also should have been embracing that amazing feeling you get when you breathe in really deep and feel genuinely great and you just start smiling. Thinking back, I’ve only let myself hold onto this feeling a few times, graduating to a black-belt and performing as Cinderella in my high school musical. I’m so lucky to have had multiple instances where this sense of pride is there waiting to be felt. The problem is I don’t capture that feeling anymore. I just roll off the things that could be boosting my self confidence. The same ‘under-reaction’ goes for many other emotions.
If you’ve had some heartbreak in your life caused by some large life event, and not just boyfriend and girlfriend stop seeing each other heartbreak, everything else that happens seems to small to you. Things don’t seem to affect you anymore. I’ve become the queen of saying “It’s fine” to almost everything. Today if something bad were to happen, like myself or someone close to me got in a car crash, or pulled over or if I found out I was really ill, I would most likely be numb to the emotions and just kind of take it. Sometimes that is a nice thing to be able to do, to let it go, but leaving out the emotions from larger events completely isn’t healthy.
It’s the same on the opposite side of the spectrum. I don’t always fully appreciate exciting news or happy moments. If I do jump up and down for joy, it’s probably just for show to overpower my lack of excitement. Trying to find something that makes you genuinely happy is so important. I found that feeling of joy the week my first year of college ended; at a place in Cedarville, Michigan.
I attended a retreat called Chapter Focus Week through the Intervarsity chapter at my school. That week I focused only on the present. I forgot all of the things that had happened in my past and didn’t worry about the future, unless prompted to. God really worked in me that week and showed me how much I have grown and how proud I should be of myself and feel life to the fullest.
Appreciating every day of life and appreciating yourself as well can be hard. Today you’re either seen as conceited or pity-seeking. It’s hard to ignore the condescending tones and rude comments of others. But we have an easy time dismissing compliments and words of encouragement from others. Our whole thinking process is backwards.
As I’m learning to take in the full range of emotions of life through things that encourage my happiness, I encourage everyone to take a look at themselves. Going through the motions of everyday life without taking time to acknowledge your sadness, joy, or excitement leads to how I’ve personally felt; bland and unaffected by everything. Learn to feel again, and earn to love your outlook of yourself without the opinions of others.
