College is your time to experience and experiment with all different kinds of things. Going out three (sometimes, even more) times a week, it is expected that you are going to find that person that you connect with on the dance floor, grab some late night pizza with, and get a walk home from. You’re probably going to sleep over, or they’ll sleep over in your room. And you’ll probably have sex. This is what is expected. Who bring home someone and doesn’t have sex with them? That’s not how college works.
Well, I do. I have those same connections on the dance floor, I enjoy late night pizza, and I even get a walk back to my single. I even let people sleep over. But I’m not into the hook up culture, and here’s why.
I undoubtedly will wake up, and feel like crap about it.
I can't tell you the endless conversations with my friends that I’ve had about how they wake up feeling confused, used, ashamed, and hurt. None of these feelings should be associated with something that’s supposed to be so amazing, fulfilling and fun.
I’m a human and have feelings.
I don’t care who you are, but I doubt that anyone can tell me that you can have sex with someone and feel absolutely nothing. Yes, you can hook up and never want to again. You can have feelings of love, lust, hatred, passion, resentment, even. But you can’t tell me that there is no feeling, whatsoever. Trust me, I have a stone-cold heart. I don’t put up with any crap, and I do what I want. So, believe me when I tell you that it’s not worth it. There will always be feelings that are unwanted in a hookup, and nothing will end well there.
What do you really get out of it?
I get it, we all get thirsty sometimes. What I personally don’t understand is why it’s necessary to hook up with three different people in one weekend. Three strangers in one weekend. You never wake up feeling the same intoxicated connection. Sorry, but you most likely won't immediately fall in love and last forever. So what do you get out of it? Is the thrill you get at night big enough to fill the emptiness you feel in the morning?
For me, it’s not. It took me all of freshman year to realize that that’s not what I want, and not the type of person I am. I understand that it can be fun, and I don’t judge anyone who partakes in the culture. I’m just writing to let you know, it's OK if you don’t, and don’t feel like you have to. Dance with who you want to. Eat late night mozz sticks with who you want to. Have sex with who you want to. But do all these things because you want to, not because you’re expected to. Your heart will thank you later. I know mine did.
