“So are you seeing anyone?” asks my cute little grandma. This question doesn’t necessarily bother me, as it is notorious for throwing today’s college girls over the edge when asked, but it does spark up a little curiosity. If you consider “seeing someone” as low-key stalking the boys lifting while I jog/die on the treadmill at the IM center then yes, I’m seeing a ton of guys. But let’s be serious, we all have had that one guy that we text a little too often to be just friends and hang out with enough to be a couple, but when it comes to being Facebook official, you two haven’t even thought about proclaiming your exclusiveness to the world. Because that’s the thing — you’re not exclusive. To your grandma, she may see these as red flags to a potential failed attempt at a relationship, but to you, it’s a stepping stone to something you hope will end happily ever after, or at least a component of a fun time.
This strange relationship/not relationship label is called “talking." If you’re between the ages of 15–21, I probably don’t even have to explain what that is, but let me tell you — you do not know struggle until you explain to a person over the age of 30 what the “talking phase” is. “Oh yeah, Mom, there’s this guy who I met at a frat, and he asked if I wanted a drink and I was like yeah sure, so he went and got it, and then I, like, danced with him, so then I gave him my number, and we hung out a few days later, and we text every day and still go out, but the door is still open to see other people, even though we enjoy each other’s company, and I would be insanely jealous if he started hanging with someone else, so yeah.”
Did that sound crazy? Yup. Did that make any sense? Barely. Have I said something along the lines of that recently? Oh, you bet your bottom dollar I did. And I’ve read tons of open letters to “the guy I almost dated” and the “relationship that never was” or "21 Reasons Why I Hate the Talking Phase" from girls who were looking for something romantic to arise out of something so casual and immature. And I don’t blame anyone for hoping that an ultra-chill college love interest will turn into something long-term, because sometimes that does happen, but what I don’t understand is why everyone is hating on just enjoying time with somebody.
Before everyone flies off the handle and says chivalry is dead and I’m probably just ugly therefore I’m not looking to be wifed up as a college freshman, I’m just going to throw it out there that maybe the reason the “talking phase” is considered negative is because we make it negative. Not every kiss has to follow with brunch with your boy’s parents the next day, and not every date has a marriage license delivered with the check. Now, I’m not justifying people being led on and empty promises, because that is not cool. But if a guy makes no attempt to date you and never showed any interest in becoming exclusive ever, it’s just common sense to assume it’s not going anywhere, and you have the option to either A) Ask where it’s going and leave (dramatically, if necessary) if you don’t get the answer you want or B) Just go with the flow.
College is a place to find yourself, surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you and to begin your journey on figuring out what moves you. All I'm saying is that if I don't have someone to hold my hand through the previously mentioned endeavors, I won't blame myself or the whole male population. And if I do end up with someone, the "talking phase" will probably be considered one of my favorite phases in the relationship. By allowing yourself to forget the question of "Where is this going?" you can look at "How is this going?" And that sounds like a lot more fun to me.
