I don't even know how to start this article so I guess I'll just write.

Hi, I'm Ally. I've been to over 60 concerts. I had a whole second life that revolved around music, that even most of my friends didn't know about. I'd get out of school, get in the car with my sister, and we'd drive to Boston to see a show. Sometimes we'd even go to two a weekend, it was our favorite thing in the world. We developed these incredible friendships with so many bands, most of which I still talk to from time to time. Going to these shows was an escape, it was something that completely took my mind off of everything else that was going on, no matter what.

I never would have dreamt that something would EVER make me CHOOSE to stop going to them. But it did.

Christina Grimmie was more than just a Youtuber to me, she was a friend I'd never met, an inspiration, someone I've been watching for six years now. She helped me through some of the darkest times of my life. I wanted to be just like her, I copied her haircut, started playing piano, put black and white stripes on my wall like she had, she even got me playing Zelda. She meant so much to me, and always will.

Well, Christina was murdered 114 long, excruciating days ago. She was meeting fans after performing at a concert for them, when her killer approached after waiting in line. She had her arms wide open extended towards him when he shot her twice in the chest and once in the head; Christina Grimmie tried to hug the man that killed her. If that doesn't say something about the type of person she was, I don't know what will.

I think what frustrates me the most about her death is how easily it could have been avoided. The fact that she could be shot while meeting fans inside of the House of Blues disgusts me. She was supposed to be safe inside that venue. Her killer brought two handguns, a hunting knife, and two extra loaded magazines into the show. Where was security? Why wasn't there some measure to make sure things like this couldn't happen?

This got me thinking, of the 60+ shows I've been to, only 2 have ever checked bags, and one of those had a metal detector. That means I have been to at least 58 shows where this exact thing could have happened. The possibility of this had NEVER occurred to me until the Paris attacks, where the U2 show was shot up and over 100 people were killed. Even after hearing about this, it didn't stop me from going to concerts, maybe because it didn't hit so close to home, I don't know.

Now every day I am faced with this kind of "Survivors Guilt." If I hadn't moved back to New England eight months ago, I would have been at the show Christina was murdered at. I am haunted by thoughts and nightmares of "What if I could have stopped it?" or "What if I had to watch her die?"

She was a better person in her 22 years (yes, she was only 22 years old) than I will ever be in my whole time on this planet. She was so full of life, a bright, kind hearted person who did not deserve to die. Why should I be able to walk out of a concert alive when she couldn't? She made more of an impact than most of us ever will, why did it have to be her? The only thing that I find brings me comfort is knowing that she was too beautiful for this planet, and that her faith was so strong that I know she wasn't afraid to die.

Everyone says you can't live your life in fear, but I now have this whole new world of it, I worry about my band friends when they go on tour, after this incident I now have no way of knowing when their next show will be their last. I worry about my family and friends when they decide to go to concerts, I worry that more innocent lives will be taken.

I worry that our safe haven isn't safe anymore, the place we'd go to seek shelter is becoming as nasty as the outside world we're trying to escape. The music industry needs to wake up, security has to be taken more seriously or else we're just asking for more tragedies like this. Buy a metal detector, check bags, get some security guards.

Fans are supposed to be screaming with excitement at concerts, not terror.