They say that women who rag on their ex-boyfriends move on quicker than those who don’t. I suppose that’s what has made my most recent break up so difficult. I don’t curse his name or throw him a dirty look every time we pass each other. I have no desire to slander his reputation, and discussing his worst qualities with others just feels wrong.

My friends expect me to complain about him. They think it’s funny to insult him in front of me. They tell me they hate him when they don’t have a reason to.

I turn to them and say, “Stop. Don’t be mean to him. I don’t want you to be mean to him.” It confuses them. They respond, “But he hurt you.”

Yes, it hurt at first. Every break up hurts in one way or another. But he did what was necessary. The bottom line is we weren’t meant for each other. We lost the connection that intimate relationships are supposed to have. It was out of our control, and I respect him for recognizing and confronting that.

The tag of “ex” doesn’t make him an enemy. All it means is we used to date, but don’t anymore. It doesn’t mean he’s a jerk that purposely screws girls over. It doesn’t mean we can’t stand to be in each other's presence. It certainly doesn’t mean that I stopped caring.

In fact, I hope he gets exactly what he deserves.

I hope he finds a girl that gives him more than I ever could. I hope he has amazing experiences with the group of friends he can call his brothers. I hope he is successful and thrives in everything he does.

He pulled me out of so many habits that I had fallen into over the years, and he provided me with the motivation to collect myself. He gave me a reason to change.

We may not have been meant to be romantically involved with each other, but he is still someone I want in my life. He helped me learn more about myself, about what I want and what I deserve in relationships, and how to appropriately control and express the seemingly unmanageable feelings that creep into tough situations like this. Why on earth would I hate him for that?

Nothing about a breakup is easy. Adapting from kisses to high-fives is strange. Transitioning from girlfriend to ex to friend is a process, but I have confidence that it’ll be worthwhile.